Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What mountain got a 100% on the exam?

Mount Cleverest.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I once dated a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery.

She was in charge of the hops

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The word queue is ironic.

It's just a 'q' with a bunch of silent letters waiting in a line.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I woke up to drink some water in the middle of the night and I accidentally ate a whole pizza and a cheesecake.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

3 years ago I married my best friend...

My girlfriend was angry but Dave and me thought it was hilarious.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a superhero with a bad sense of direction?

Wander woman.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I don’t always roll a joint.

But when I do, it’s my ankle.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

An ego and a superego walk into a bar.

The bartender asks for their id.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The circle has the most well-rounded education.

It has 360 degrees.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call people who sleep in socks?

Tiny.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I don't believe in all of astrology.

Just bits and Pisces.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How do you stop a bull from charging?

You cancel its credit card.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I'm retired in the sense that I was tired yesterday and am tired again today

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

When I was a kid, bedtime was 9 pm. I couldn't wait to be a grownup so I could go to bed anytime I wanted. Turns out that is 9 pm.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The last thing my grandfather said before he died was "It's worth it to spend money on good speakers."

That was some sound advice.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How do you get down from an elephant?

You don’t.

You get down from a goose.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I went out with a one legged girl once who worked in a brewery.

She was in charge of the hops.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

To ride the horse or to not ride the horse…

That is equestrian.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Want to know one of the most important lessons in learning how to play guitar?

Stay tuned.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife just accused me of being a cross dresser.

I was so angry that I packed up her things and left.