The "R U OK ?" Thread

dogluva

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I think we have a sqaud that could possibly go all the way , im just starting to realize that life without nrl is pretty sweet dont hsve to get worked up every weekend over inconsistent refs and shitty rule changes
Until round one, lol. I am quite looking forward to the season to come. We stay healthy and cut out the dumb plays and penalties and I agree with you about being able to win it.
 

Captain Kickass

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Delicate situation has developed on the home front I could use some help with.

Neighbours have accused our 9yo daughter of being "inappropriate". They come to the table as 'foster parents' with a 12yo boy, 7yo girl and others I'm not sure of (another elder girl perhaps). The two girls play together occasionally as there's a lack of similar aged kids nearby. Both houses are open to each other. Rules exist in both. Respect for others things / Good manners /Do what you're told, etc.

We got a knock on the door on Saturday, the wife took it because I was wrangling three kids near dinner. From what I can gather, two chief accusations have been made ... (a) our daughter asked their boy to be her boyfriend, and this is a tipping point because not only is he "not even thinking about those things", it comes on the back of (b) allegations that our daughter was discussing the finer point of oral sex with the young 7yo girl (the phrase "do you know girls suck boys dicks ?" was cited as evidence) and also suggested they open mouth kiss, as reported to the Mum by the 7yo.

Naturally, we were floored.
Lucky for them, they have sympathetic neighbours who are highly concerned by these developments too.

That same night, we put our other two kids to bed, and kept our eldest up to 'have a chat about life'. She's begun showing signs of puberty, she's entering Year 4 this year and it's about now that boys are becoming a greater issue to contend with for various reasons. I'd have preferred to wait until Year 5 or 10yo, but circumstances dictated it had to happen 'now'.

We spoke for 45mins. I had her confidence, treated her like she was mature and asked all of the hard questions in round about ways to sniff out any clues ... "What do you know about sex?", "Do kids at school talk about these things ?", "Have you even seen on TV or heard about X,Y,Z ?", "Has anyone ever told you X,Y,Z?", "Do you have any questions about X,Y,Z?".

In short, she denies it all : We got admissions that touching occurred during a game of doctors once, but only after the 7yo asked her to. We got admissions that the phrase "do you know girls suck boys dicks?" originated in the playground at school by a 3rd party in my daughters year at school who is known to both of our families, and this is the only time our girl has ever heard such a thing. She denies repeating it to the 7yo. (We suspect the 7yo may have been within earshot of the playground conversations among the 9yo's, but at this stage we haven't disclosed that info)

Furthermore, we know better than to blindly believe a 9yo just because she's our own flesh and blood, and the nature of allegations dictate we must treat this seriously. So we initiated several uncomfortable conversations with relatives and other friends parents. "Have you ever had cause for concern ?", "Have you ever had to intervene ?", "Have you witnessed anything inappropriate that made you uncomfortable ?" ..... NOTHING !

The wife went to them the next day to let them know we're treating what's going on with the seriousness it deserves, only to be met with another barrage of irritation.

So the million dollar questions is : What do we do ?

- Separate the kids seems the logical beginning. I don't want any excuse for them to maintain or add to their accusations. It removes our daughter from the equation and should further events developed under their roof they can't simply point a finger at us as the source. That decision is made.

- Do I approach them again with what we found ? .... My wife thinks I need to be "the voice" for our family, but I'm not comfortable approaching them again until we have all calmed down and our heads are screwed on. I'm expecting them to be dismissive and agitated. It's far too simple to just point the finger of blame the the house over there and say "if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't have to deal with this", so I don't see any benefit in simply having my voice heard too.

My view is this : On one hand, they are over exaggerating otherwise 'age-appropriate' play (ie: our girl asking for a boyfriend) and on the other they are being hood-winked by the inconsistent memory of a 7yo (the touching stuff). This has the potential to drag out for years if we don't deal with this correctly. Our detailed enquiries haven't supported their claims. My wife remains upset that "they are over there thinking bad things about us". While I couldn't care less about that, I do agree I am the voice of my daughter and her innocence should be heard.

Any advice on the topic is more than welcome.
Thanks for reading.
 

Caveman

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How long have they had these foster children and do you know anything of there background?

Do they have a religious or ethnic background that may require an adjustment on your part to help deal with the conflict?

Describe the barrage of irritation if you can to help us know what your dealing with in terms of conflict against resolution.
 

Captain Kickass

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How long have they had these foster children and do you know anything of there background?

Do they have a religious or ethnic background that may require an adjustment on your part to help deal with the conflict?
White-Anglo couple. Mid-30's. No religious affiliation. We've lived here for 5+years. Foster kids have emerged in the last 3-4years.

Describe the barrage of irritation if you can to help us know what your dealing with in terms of conflict against resolution.
Incident #1 - They presented as a united front on our door near dinner/bath times. They "felt they needed to tell us". At no stage did they ask for me. Wife relayed the info of a chat that lasted approx 7-8mins. We pigeonholed it until bedtime with a view to "get to the bottom of what happened". My first instinct was "if this is true we need to clamp down on it" and "I'm glad they told us".

We spoke. We rang people. We knocked on doors.

Incident #2 - Wife says "I'm just gonna pop over there to tell them ...." and much like the earlier chat, I left it in her hands as they instigated it with her. She comes back in tears. Felt like they didn;t listen to a word she said and used the opportunity to lump more evidence and claims on top such as (I'm paraphrasing of course) .... "we dont allow our children to watch Home and Away" and "we haven't taught our children to use that language" and "our children aren't even thinking about adult concepts like relationships and kissing".
 

Caveman

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White-Anglo couple. Mid-30's. No religious affiliation. We've lived here for 5+years. Foster kids have emerged in the last 3-4years.



Incident #1 - They presented as a united front on our door near dinner/bath times. They "felt they needed to tell us". At no stage did they ask for me. Wife relayed the info of a chat that lasted approx 7-8mins. We pigeonholed it until bedtime with a view to "get to the bottom of what happened". My first instinct was "if this is true we need to clamp down on it" and "I'm glad they told us".

We spoke. We rang people. We knocked on doors.

Incident #2 - Wife says "I'm just gonna pop over there to tell them ...." and much like the earlier chat, I left it in her hands as they instigated it with her. She comes back in tears. Felt like they didn;t listen to a word she said and used the opportunity to lump more evidence and claims on top such as (I'm paraphrasing of course) .... "we dont allow our children to watch Home and Away" and "we haven't taught our children to use that language" and "our children aren't even thinking about adult concepts like relationships and kissing".
Mate
Best i can do is pray about it tonight, get some sleep, then think about it some more tomorrow.

Sleep well bro

It will all work out for you and your family, you wise enough to treat the situation with respect and out of that alone you should see a good outcome.

In the mean time like i said, I'll put some thought into it to.
 

Drop Bear

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Delicate situation has developed on the home front I could use some help with.

Neighbours have accused our 9yo daughter of being "inappropriate". They come to the table as 'foster parents' with a 12yo boy, 7yo girl and others I'm not sure of (another elder girl perhaps). The two girls play together occasionally as there's a lack of similar aged kids nearby. Both houses are open to each other. Rules exist in both. Respect for others things / Good manners /Do what you're told, etc.

We got a knock on the door on Saturday, the wife took it because I was wrangling three kids near dinner. From what I can gather, two chief accusations have been made ... (a) our daughter asked their boy to be her boyfriend, and this is a tipping point because not only is he "not even thinking about those things", it comes on the back of (b) allegations that our daughter was discussing the finer point of oral sex with the young 7yo girl (the phrase "do you know girls suck boys dicks ?" was cited as evidence) and also suggested they open mouth kiss, as reported to the Mum by the 7yo.

Naturally, we were floored.
Lucky for them, they have sympathetic neighbours who are highly concerned by these developments too.

That same night, we put our other two kids to bed, and kept our eldest up to 'have a chat about life'. She's begun showing signs of puberty, she's entering Year 4 this year and it's about now that boys are becoming a greater issue to contend with for various reasons. I'd have preferred to wait until Year 5 or 10yo, but circumstances dictated it had to happen 'now'.

We spoke for 45mins. I had her confidence, treated her like she was mature and asked all of the hard questions in round about ways to sniff out any clues ... "What do you know about sex?", "Do kids at school talk about these things ?", "Have you even seen on TV or heard about X,Y,Z ?", "Has anyone ever told you X,Y,Z?", "Do you have any questions about X,Y,Z?".

In short, she denies it all : We got admissions that touching occurred during a game of doctors once, but only after the 7yo asked her to. We got admissions that the phrase "do you know girls suck boys dicks?" originated in the playground at school by a 3rd party in my daughters year at school who is known to both of our families, and this is the only time our girl has ever heard such a thing. She denies repeating it to the 7yo. (We suspect the 7yo may have been within earshot of the playground conversations among the 9yo's, but at this stage we haven't disclosed that info)

Furthermore, we know better than to blindly believe a 9yo just because she's our own flesh and blood, and the nature of allegations dictate we must treat this seriously. So we initiated several uncomfortable conversations with relatives and other friends parents. "Have you ever had cause for concern ?", "Have you ever had to intervene ?", "Have you witnessed anything inappropriate that made you uncomfortable ?" ..... NOTHING !

The wife went to them the next day to let them know we're treating what's going on with the seriousness it deserves, only to be met with another barrage of irritation.

So the million dollar questions is : What do we do ?

- Separate the kids seems the logical beginning. I don't want any excuse for them to maintain or add to their accusations. It removes our daughter from the equation and should further events developed under their roof they can't simply point a finger at us as the source. That decision is made.

- Do I approach them again with what we found ? .... My wife thinks I need to be "the voice" for our family, but I'm not comfortable approaching them again until we have all calmed down and our heads are screwed on. I'm expecting them to be dismissive and agitated. It's far too simple to just point the finger of blame the the house over there and say "if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't have to deal with this", so I don't see any benefit in simply having my voice heard too.

My view is this : On one hand, they are over exaggerating otherwise 'age-appropriate' play (ie: our girl asking for a boyfriend) and on the other they are being hood-winked by the inconsistent memory of a 7yo (the touching stuff). This has the potential to drag out for years if we don't deal with this correctly. Our detailed enquiries haven't supported their claims. My wife remains upset that "they are over there thinking bad things about us". While I couldn't care less about that, I do agree I am the voice of my daughter and her innocence should be heard.

Any advice on the topic is more than welcome.
Thanks for reading.
I'm the father of five and a grandfather to four, so I have a bit of experience in similar situations. You should be concerned with this as this type of situation can spiral out of control very quickly. I think what you have done up to date is spot on, but I'd go a bit further. Have you thought about having a chat with the school counsellor?
 

Mr 95%

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Delicate situation has developed on the home front I could use some help with.

Neighbours have accused our 9yo daughter of being "inappropriate". They come to the table as 'foster parents' with a 12yo boy, 7yo girl and others I'm not sure of (another elder girl perhaps). The two girls play together occasionally as there's a lack of similar aged kids nearby. Both houses are open to each other. Rules exist in both. Respect for others things / Good manners /Do what you're told, etc.

We got a knock on the door on Saturday, the wife took it because I was wrangling three kids near dinner. From what I can gather, two chief accusations have been made ... (a) our daughter asked their boy to be her boyfriend, and this is a tipping point because not only is he "not even thinking about those things", it comes on the back of (b) allegations that our daughter was discussing the finer point of oral sex with the young 7yo girl (the phrase "do you know girls suck boys dicks ?" was cited as evidence) and also suggested they open mouth kiss, as reported to the Mum by the 7yo.

Naturally, we were floored.
Lucky for them, they have sympathetic neighbours who are highly concerned by these developments too.

That same night, we put our other two kids to bed, and kept our eldest up to 'have a chat about life'. She's begun showing signs of puberty, she's entering Year 4 this year and it's about now that boys are becoming a greater issue to contend with for various reasons. I'd have preferred to wait until Year 5 or 10yo, but circumstances dictated it had to happen 'now'.

We spoke for 45mins. I had her confidence, treated her like she was mature and asked all of the hard questions in round about ways to sniff out any clues ... "What do you know about sex?", "Do kids at school talk about these things ?", "Have you even seen on TV or heard about X,Y,Z ?", "Has anyone ever told you X,Y,Z?", "Do you have any questions about X,Y,Z?".

In short, she denies it all : We got admissions that touching occurred during a game of doctors once, but only after the 7yo asked her to. We got admissions that the phrase "do you know girls suck boys dicks?" originated in the playground at school by a 3rd party in my daughters year at school who is known to both of our families, and this is the only time our girl has ever heard such a thing. She denies repeating it to the 7yo. (We suspect the 7yo may have been within earshot of the playground conversations among the 9yo's, but at this stage we haven't disclosed that info)

Furthermore, we know better than to blindly believe a 9yo just because she's our own flesh and blood, and the nature of allegations dictate we must treat this seriously. So we initiated several uncomfortable conversations with relatives and other friends parents. "Have you ever had cause for concern ?", "Have you ever had to intervene ?", "Have you witnessed anything inappropriate that made you uncomfortable ?" ..... NOTHING !

The wife went to them the next day to let them know we're treating what's going on with the seriousness it deserves, only to be met with another barrage of irritation.

So the million dollar questions is : What do we do ?

- Separate the kids seems the logical beginning. I don't want any excuse for them to maintain or add to their accusations. It removes our daughter from the equation and should further events developed under their roof they can't simply point a finger at us as the source. That decision is made.

- Do I approach them again with what we found ? .... My wife thinks I need to be "the voice" for our family, but I'm not comfortable approaching them again until we have all calmed down and our heads are screwed on. I'm expecting them to be dismissive and agitated. It's far too simple to just point the finger of blame the the house over there and say "if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't have to deal with this", so I don't see any benefit in simply having my voice heard too.

My view is this : On one hand, they are over exaggerating otherwise 'age-appropriate' play (ie: our girl asking for a boyfriend) and on the other they are being hood-winked by the inconsistent memory of a 7yo (the touching stuff). This has the potential to drag out for years if we don't deal with this correctly. Our detailed enquiries haven't supported their claims. My wife remains upset that "they are over there thinking bad things about us". While I couldn't care less about that, I do agree I am the voice of my daughter and her innocence should be heard.

Any advice on the topic is more than welcome.
Thanks for reading.
Gee man I'm no father but I was a school teacher in high school.. Kids curiosity was at fever pitch.. Although kids of that age you can reason with to a certain extent.. Which I think is a bit a harder with smaller kids..I remember being at a day care centre..part of my degree..and I had a 'Kindergarten Cop' moment where a little girl said I have a penis..me that is..my alarm bells were instantly ringing..but I knew deep down the kid didn't know what she was saying..just repeating what she's heard or told.. So I think your thought of the 7yr repeating things that she has heard is probably spot on.. Plus the kid is a foster kid..it could be a cry for attention..being in the spotlight might make her feel important and special..
In addition..by their very actions..foster parents are very protective of the welfare or their kids (parents are too!)..sometimes lead to overprotective.. So I'm not surprised at their reaction..
I think you've done the right thing by separating the kids.. In the adult world it seem you are avoiding the problem..to a kid its punishment for not doing the appropriate thing..and I think it's the kids perception that is most important..
But at the end of the day they are..after all..kids..and they need to know the boundaries of what is appropriate and what's not.. (Ps I purposely did not say right or wrong because at an older age..with consenting Adults it's not wrong)
Ps I hope I made some sense!
 

Hacky McAxe

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White-Anglo couple. Mid-30's. No religious affiliation. We've lived here for 5+years. Foster kids have emerged in the last 3-4years.



Incident #1 - They presented as a united front on our door near dinner/bath times. They "felt they needed to tell us". At no stage did they ask for me. Wife relayed the info of a chat that lasted approx 7-8mins. We pigeonholed it until bedtime with a view to "get to the bottom of what happened". My first instinct was "if this is true we need to clamp down on it" and "I'm glad they told us".

We spoke. We rang people. We knocked on doors.

Incident #2 - Wife says "I'm just gonna pop over there to tell them ...." and much like the earlier chat, I left it in her hands as they instigated it with her. She comes back in tears. Felt like they didn;t listen to a word she said and used the opportunity to lump more evidence and claims on top such as (I'm paraphrasing of course) .... "we dont allow our children to watch Home and Away" and "we haven't taught our children to use that language" and "our children aren't even thinking about adult concepts like relationships and kissing".
As Drop Bear said. Best thing you can do is to talk to the school councillor, talk to the teachers. Make them aware of the issue and advise that you believe it originated in the school grounds. The teachers will keep an ear out.

After you've covered all you can, approach the family and say something along the lines of "We have carried out a thorough investigation and cannot find any evidence that anything happened as you suggest. It seems that your daughter is picking up some bad habits from school and like us, I hope you are being diligent with your daughter to ensure she doesn't go the wrong direction"

If they complain you can say something along the lines of "Can you provide evidence of these accusations? If you can't then we have nothing further to talk about"
 

Caveman

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Firstly i think whatever action you take you and your wife should do it together as a united front with you taking the lead.

I think you should discuss and get a clear understanding of what out out come you'd (you and your wife) like before confronting the other parents.

I think you should both agree that regardless of the other parties responses, attitudes and actions, that you will both keep your calm with the greater objective in mind (there are a lot of one eyed parents out there that simply belive there children are never in the wrong - it is foolish, and arguing with fools never ends well and never ends.

Rather then going over there saying 'we need to get the facts straight' go over asking for their help in dealing with this situation (ask for their council - take in what's good and dismiss the rest) . This will help them see that you guys are as concerned as they are and give them a sense of input and influence over the well being of your child (this is probably why they became foster parents in the first place).

Then work together to fix the issues with your child behavior (not theirs unless they say we realize it takes 2 to tango), Discuss what may prompt this type of behavior (this may cause the other parents to realize the issue does not necessarily start and end with your kids), discuss boundaries, discuss ramifications of your child's behavior for you and your family (now and in the future) if this behavior does not change, discuss appropriate actions if behavior continues. Remember you and your wife should discuss all this first before you go over there.


As others have said where possible involve a 3rd party (councilor, principle... etc) but make sure the 3rd party knows the meeting is to help work together through this trial (not as a condemnation of one party or the other)- how ever i think you should approach the other couple first and let them know that you are seeking help and meditation for this matter and invite them to be part of it.

Remember though, none of this should be done infront of your children and any action implemented should be done by you guys and not the other family nor in their presence (unless the other party realize their kids are just as much at fault, and you guys decide to deal with it as a whole between both families).

Keep them informed of the outcomes (especially if you implement something they have advised).

In future ask how the kids have been going, have we seen improvement. ...etc

With any luck this hurdle will make your relationship with your neighbours stronger.
 

Ecca

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Furthermore, we know better than to blindly believe a 9yo just because she's our own flesh and blood, and the nature of allegations dictate we must treat this seriously. So we initiated several uncomfortable conversations with relatives and other friends parents. "Have you ever had cause for concern ?", "Have you ever had to intervene ?", "Have you witnessed anything inappropriate that made you uncomfortable ?" ..... NOTHING !
.
There is no winning here IMO, but this part of your post is VERY well put, my 5 year old is a LIAR, he makes it very hard to believe him, as such, I have already decided on my approach in later life, and it will be.

"Are you telling me the truth?, because if you tell me it is the truth, I will back you 100%, but if it turns out not to be the truth, it will be VERY hard for me to fight for you again"

My son deserves my loyalty always. But if he breaks my trust, it will be very hard to win back
 

Hacky McAxe

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I take back what I said. Here's my suggestion:

Cage match. Family Vs Family. Sell tickets, everyone wins.
 

Wolfmother

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Hey CK , not sure if my experience is relevant or useful but when my son was 7 he brought a schoolmate over.. . i was standing out the front talking to his mum and he calls my son over and goes 'hey watch me teabag your cat ' i was horrified ..his mum didn't even flinch.. He's been one of my sons very close friends for 5 years and I've heard in passing many inappropriate phrases from him .. I tried to understand why a young child would be talking about sexual things , I know this about him though he comes from a good family , is an only child and craves friendships.. I believe he uses his knowledge of the forbidden for power and to gain social standing ..
 

EXPLORER

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Hey CK , not sure if my experience is relevant or useful but when my son was 7 he brought a schoolmate over.. . i was standing out the front talking to his mum and he calls my son over and goes 'hey watch me teabag your cat ' i was horrified ..his mum didn't even flinch.. He's been one of my sons very close friends for 5 years and I've heard in passing many inappropriate phrases from him .. I tried to understand why a young child would be talking about sexual things , I know this about him though he comes from a good family , is an only child and craves friendships.. I believe he uses his knowledge of the forbidden for power and to gain social standing ..
I can't imagine t bagging a cat would end well.
I'd have laughed if the cat sunk its claws in his scrotum lol,


Some mothers do have em as they say,

Ck I got no idea mate,
 

Wolfmother

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I can't imagine t bagging a cat would end well.
I'd have laughed if the cat sunk its claws in his scrotum lol,


Some mothers do have em as they say,

Ck I got no idea mate,
my cat was like 'wtf' ? lol
 

dogluva

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White-Anglo couple. Mid-30's. No religious affiliation. We've lived here for 5+years. Foster kids have emerged in the last 3-4years.



Incident #1 - They presented as a united front on our door near dinner/bath times. They "felt they needed to tell us". At no stage did they ask for me. Wife relayed the info of a chat that lasted approx 7-8mins. We pigeonholed it until bedtime with a view to "get to the bottom of what happened". My first instinct was "if this is true we need to clamp down on it" and "I'm glad they told us".

We spoke. We rang people. We knocked on doors.

Incident #2 - Wife says "I'm just gonna pop over there to tell them ...." and much like the earlier chat, I left it in her hands as they instigated it with her. She comes back in tears. Felt like they didn;t listen to a word she said and used the opportunity to lump more evidence and claims on top such as (I'm paraphrasing of course) .... "we dont allow our children to watch Home and Away" and "we haven't taught our children to use that language" and "our children aren't even thinking about adult concepts like relationships and kissing".
From my perspective you have done a good job so far and have investigated the matter yourself, questioned your daughter and obtained her version of the story and spoken to family members and others who would have had the chance to observe your daughters behaviour. . It would no doubt have been a very disturbing accusation to deal with.
On the other hand from what you have said and the way in which the neighbours handled the second incident I wonder if they actually believe ( or want to believe) that their child was in any way complicit with what happened. It troubles me with the fact that you have not mentioned in your posts that the other family have looked at the possibility of their child doing any wrong. Did they even hear what she said or have they relayed the information to you on the say so of their children?

Now having been working in a school environment for the last ten or so years, I have seen and heard my fair share of shall we say, disturbing playground behaviour. I have heard swear words that would make a sailor blush and I have heard lots of the type of 'sexy talk' that you mention. Heck, my girls came home from school after they had done their sex education and some of the things they came out with made me feel like I knew nothing. Now I am no prude and my kids know what is what ( in proper terms) unlike the things they conveyed to me from the classes that they attended.

" Mum, do you know what a "BJ" is?" Did you know another word for penis is..."etc. , well you get the drift. Kids pick up things so easily and a lot of the time ( especially the age you mention) they really don't know or understand what they are saying. Now that does not make it right by any means but I think that talking to them about inappropriate and appropriate behaviour will normally do the trick.

Perhaps you could try mediation as some have said if the problem does not fix itself. Try talking to the school counsellor or even the principal/assistant principal if you like or just continue to monitor the situation yourself. Kids can cause us angst like no other, it is getting the reaction to it all right without alienating them. She probably did not think she was doing anything wrong, just repeating things that she has heard.

Whatever you do CK I wish you luck.
 

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Blame media influences to be honest.

Kids are entering puberty younger these days due to over sexualisation in both the media, magazines, online, and music world.

If anything CK I'd be carefully monitoring her internet activity having known what you know now, as sickos out there can easily take advantage of kids that are in that state/frame of mind.

I remember when I was a kid... heck it was like 12-14 or something before I woke up "glued" to my pants and going "fuarrrrrrkkk MUM SOMETHINGS WRONG HERE".... and then came the wet dream conversation.

My sister developed and hit puberty around 11-12 I think (like most girls her age at the time).

So I honestly believe the media and music has a LOT to answer for in regards to why kids are developing at a younger age. Heck I recall reading not that long ago about kids like 7-9 years old having orgies in school toilets.. there was a recent story on it because it was considered shocking (and I agree it is).

Have a look at the influences around your 9 year old and what might be a bad (albeit unknown) influence to her. Is she listening to music with sexually explicit lyrics or video clips? Is she watching suspect stuff on Youtube? Is she on Facebook? All this stuff might seem innocent but might be compounding your current issues.
 

Indiandog

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Blame media influences to be honest.

Kids are entering puberty younger these days due to over sexualisation in both the media, magazines, online, and music world.

If anything CK I'd be carefully monitoring her internet activity having known what you know now, as sickos out there can easily take advantage of kids that are in that state/frame of mind.

I remember when I was a kid... heck it was like 12-14 or something before I woke up "glued" to my pants and going "fuarrrrrrkkk MUM SOMETHINGS WRONG HERE".... and then came the wet dream conversation.

My sister developed and hit puberty around 11-12 I think (like most girls her age at the time).

So I honestly believe the media and music has a LOT to answer for in regards to why kids are developing at a younger age. Heck I recall reading not that long ago about kids like 7-9 years old having orgies in school toilets.. there was a recent story on it because it was considered shocking (and I agree it is).

Have a look at the influences around your 9 year old and what might be a bad (albeit unknown) influence to her. Is she listening to music with sexually explicit lyrics or video clips? Is she watching suspect stuff on Youtube? Is she on Facebook? All this stuff might seem innocent but might be compounding your current issues.

This x 1000000000
 

south of heaven

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Hey CK , not sure if my experience is relevant or useful but when my son was 7 he brought a schoolmate over.. . i was standing out the front talking to his mum and he calls my son over and goes 'hey watch me teabag your cat ' i was horrified ..his mum didn't even flinch.. He's been one of my sons very close friends for 5 years and I've heard in passing many inappropriate phrases from him .. I tried to understand why a young child would be talking about sexual things , I know this about him though he comes from a good family , is an only child and craves friendships.. I believe he uses his knowledge of the forbidden for power and to gain social standing ..
Go buy a panther and a bag of pop corn for the next time the little shit comes over
 

Mr 95%

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Hey CK , not sure if my experience is relevant or useful but when my son was 7 he brought a schoolmate over.. . i was standing out the front talking to his mum and he calls my son over and goes 'hey watch me teabag your cat ' i was horrified ..his mum didn't even flinch.. He's been one of my sons very close friends for 5 years and I've heard in passing many inappropriate phrases from him .. I tried to understand why a young child would be talking about sexual things , I know this about him though he comes from a good family , is an only child and craves friendships.. I believe he uses his knowledge of the forbidden for power and to gain social standing ..
I just found out what teabagging is.. WTF's a 7 year old doing knowing about this ????? I would've been punishing that kid alright!!
 

dogkat

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Hi CK. I have no experience with this, but I'd just like to add:

Don't separate the two girls. As someone said, it will seem like punishment for something they're not actually aware they did wrong.

If her foster parents allow, I would suggest supervised playing for a while.
 
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