belmore_utd
Pro Golf Hack
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2008
- Messages
- 7,247
- Reaction score
- 7,752
I am surrounded by lawn obsessed retiree's, not necessarily that their lawns are immaculate fairways or golf greens. Just that they mow and whipper snip their lawns an obscene amount.
Holiday house across the road, the owners have recently moved in, I have had beers and nibblys a few times with them. We had to listen to months of renovations every single day bar the public holidays, a few days either side of new years and a week we weren't here for. Before they moved in they had a lawn service once every two weeks.
I shit you not I have seen them mow 3 times in 10 days. Just watched the old cobber mow the entirety of his front lawn and he emptied no more than a 1/4 of his catcher into the bin. Then the whipper snippers and every single time out comes the obscenely loud leaf blower.
The house adjacent to the right, a retired doctor, lovely guy, attended many bbq's together where I did rib him on account of the fact that his patch of lawn that faces my house makes the street look like a housing estate. He lives on a huge corner block, I get that he stagnates his lawn care regime on account of the size of his lawn. But I witnessed him mowing the same stretch of lawn 3 days apart. Knocking the top of the dandelions, stopping the gangly native grass seeds from spreading, what is the point? He also likes early morning fishing sessions on his boat where he runs some fresh through the engine at 9 a.m
Old Dazza adjacent to the left, semi retired, top bloke always good for beers and banter but mows his lawn at obtuse times like 7 p.m when a thunder storm is bearing down.
Atleast the sound of rain mostly drowns him out.
Retiree's to my immediate right, old guy had an mishap in surgery which left him paraplegic, his wife does everything but her knees are not the greatest so I rush over and take over the mower for her 8 a.m ventures and insist that I finish it after lunch, since my wife just finished a night shift and is trying to get some sleep. She thanks me and agrees then starts the lawn mower up at 11.58 a.m on the dot.
She has a guy that whipper snips her lawn once every two weeks, always from 8-10 a.m
Old girl to the left, love her dearly, she is 90-something and I help her out with everything. Has her lawn mowed every 2nd Monday by a lawn hire service.
I told her I will do it myself as our lawns intersect and when my wife parks out the front and her lawn guy comes and cuts nothing but sand and dust it is fucking pointless except for the fact it gives the wifeys new car a dust shower which sticks to the plastic protectors and fish oils I use to preserve the car from salt air.
She refused my offer citing the fact that she is a war widow and having her lawns mowed is part of a care package. Also insists that I put her bins out everytime regardless of the fact her green bin invariably holds less weight than my hash stash, and her other bins not much more. I feel like this is wasting resources.
The neighbours 2 houses either side and adjacent employ a similar lawn regime. The area I live is sub tropical with sandy loam soil. It doesnt particularly lend to fast growing lawns as it is not a good water retainer and generally is nutrient deficient. But it does stay luscious and green given the frequent rainfall.
Nearly all of these people use fertilizers bi weekly which goes straight down the drain and less than 75 metres down the road straight into the estuary unfiltered.
Have old people lived a life so regimented in being disruptive to their local environment that they just cant fucking help themselves or are they just bored in retirement?
I haven't figured it out yet, but the constant humming and drumming of combustion engines is wearing thin on my shift worker wife.
Funnily enough she has had 3 of these neighbours come through ED these past months and mentioned the constant kerfuffle but to no avail.
So I am trying to think of a solution.
Maybe a letter drop or some hash baked cakes on the days the wifey finishes night shift.
Possibly convince them to convert to electric lawn care?
Assassinate their lawns and with it their lawn loving spirit.
Holiday house across the road, the owners have recently moved in, I have had beers and nibblys a few times with them. We had to listen to months of renovations every single day bar the public holidays, a few days either side of new years and a week we weren't here for. Before they moved in they had a lawn service once every two weeks.
I shit you not I have seen them mow 3 times in 10 days. Just watched the old cobber mow the entirety of his front lawn and he emptied no more than a 1/4 of his catcher into the bin. Then the whipper snippers and every single time out comes the obscenely loud leaf blower.
The house adjacent to the right, a retired doctor, lovely guy, attended many bbq's together where I did rib him on account of the fact that his patch of lawn that faces my house makes the street look like a housing estate. He lives on a huge corner block, I get that he stagnates his lawn care regime on account of the size of his lawn. But I witnessed him mowing the same stretch of lawn 3 days apart. Knocking the top of the dandelions, stopping the gangly native grass seeds from spreading, what is the point? He also likes early morning fishing sessions on his boat where he runs some fresh through the engine at 9 a.m
Old Dazza adjacent to the left, semi retired, top bloke always good for beers and banter but mows his lawn at obtuse times like 7 p.m when a thunder storm is bearing down.
Atleast the sound of rain mostly drowns him out.
Retiree's to my immediate right, old guy had an mishap in surgery which left him paraplegic, his wife does everything but her knees are not the greatest so I rush over and take over the mower for her 8 a.m ventures and insist that I finish it after lunch, since my wife just finished a night shift and is trying to get some sleep. She thanks me and agrees then starts the lawn mower up at 11.58 a.m on the dot.
She has a guy that whipper snips her lawn once every two weeks, always from 8-10 a.m
Old girl to the left, love her dearly, she is 90-something and I help her out with everything. Has her lawn mowed every 2nd Monday by a lawn hire service.
I told her I will do it myself as our lawns intersect and when my wife parks out the front and her lawn guy comes and cuts nothing but sand and dust it is fucking pointless except for the fact it gives the wifeys new car a dust shower which sticks to the plastic protectors and fish oils I use to preserve the car from salt air.
She refused my offer citing the fact that she is a war widow and having her lawns mowed is part of a care package. Also insists that I put her bins out everytime regardless of the fact her green bin invariably holds less weight than my hash stash, and her other bins not much more. I feel like this is wasting resources.
The neighbours 2 houses either side and adjacent employ a similar lawn regime. The area I live is sub tropical with sandy loam soil. It doesnt particularly lend to fast growing lawns as it is not a good water retainer and generally is nutrient deficient. But it does stay luscious and green given the frequent rainfall.
Nearly all of these people use fertilizers bi weekly which goes straight down the drain and less than 75 metres down the road straight into the estuary unfiltered.
Have old people lived a life so regimented in being disruptive to their local environment that they just cant fucking help themselves or are they just bored in retirement?
I haven't figured it out yet, but the constant humming and drumming of combustion engines is wearing thin on my shift worker wife.
Funnily enough she has had 3 of these neighbours come through ED these past months and mentioned the constant kerfuffle but to no avail.
So I am trying to think of a solution.
Maybe a letter drop or some hash baked cakes on the days the wifey finishes night shift.
Possibly convince them to convert to electric lawn care?
Assassinate their lawns and with it their lawn loving spirit.
