Dad jokes

Bulldog Wrestler

Kennel Immortal
Joined
Nov 14, 2020
Messages
47,790
Reaction score
93,057
My wife just yelled at me, “You jerk, you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!?!”

What a strange way to start a conversation.
 

Bulldog Wrestler

Kennel Immortal
Joined
Nov 14, 2020
Messages
47,790
Reaction score
93,057
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says “I’ll have some H2O.”

The second one says, “I’ll have some H2O too.” and then he dies.
 

Bulldog Wrestler

Kennel Immortal
Joined
Nov 14, 2020
Messages
47,790
Reaction score
93,057
My wife accused me of being immature.

I was so upset, I told her to get out of my fort.
 

Bulldog Wrestler

Kennel Immortal
Joined
Nov 14, 2020
Messages
47,790
Reaction score
93,057
I cut myself shredding cheese. I wanted to blame someone else, but then I remembered...

With grate power comes grate responsibility.
 

Bulldog Wrestler

Kennel Immortal
Joined
Nov 14, 2020
Messages
47,790
Reaction score
93,057
At first I thought it was great marrying an archeologist.

But then I found out she was a gold digger and my life is in ruins.
 

Bulldog Wrestler

Kennel Immortal
Joined
Nov 14, 2020
Messages
47,790
Reaction score
93,057
I like to swap the M and N keys on people's keyboards in the office.

Some would say that I'm a monster, but I would say I'm a nomster.
 

Bulldog Wrestler

Kennel Immortal
Joined
Nov 14, 2020
Messages
47,790
Reaction score
93,057
My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."

"Good idea", I replied, "We can cover more ground that way."
 

Bulldog Wrestler

Kennel Immortal
Joined
Nov 14, 2020
Messages
47,790
Reaction score
93,057
There’s a new dating app that caters to arsonists.

Every week you get new matches!
 
Top