Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner?

It was Chewie.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I read a horror story in braille,

I could feel something bad was about to happen, but I didn't see it coming at all.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I saw my ex-wife across the museum hall, but I felt too self-conscious to say hello.

There was just too much history between us

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife text messaged me with one word: "Earth."

It meant the world to me.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I just got a new job making plastic Draculas.

There are only two of us on the assembly line, so I have to make every second Count.

 

[belmore_utd]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

You hear about the latest book on poltergeists?

It's flying off the shelves.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why do elephants hate running on the beach?

Because they can't keep their trunks up.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My doctor told me I’m at risk of heart disease because I eat too much sodium.

I took his advice with a pinch of salt.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I played our wedding video backward yesterday.

It really cheered me up to see how I take the ring off my wife's finger, get out of the church and go drinking with my best friends.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Yesterday I ate a clock, it was very time consuming.

Especially when I went back for seconds.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Today I saw a robber breaking into his own house.

Guess he was working from home.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I almost invested in a distillery, but I backed out at the last minute.

I found out it was a whiskey business.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Some people always need their opinions validated.

Am I right?

 

[GoblinSlayer]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I met a nun who wiped her nose on her clothes.

She had a nasty habit.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I ran into a lamppost yesterday. Luckily, I only sustained light injuries.