Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I was racking up to play pool with my son, and he said: "Do you wanna break?"

"Why?" I said. "We haven't even started yet!"

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I asked my wife for an audiobook but she got me an encyclopedia instead.

That speaks volumes.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 8lb 2oz when he was born?

They had a weigh in a manger.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I've started investing in stocks. Beef, Chicken, and Vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I told my Wife I was building a model of Mount Everest, she asked, "Is it to scale?"

I replied, "No, it's to look at.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My friend says he's a compulsive liar.

I don't believe him.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What's the German word for bra?

Stoppemfrumfloppen.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

It's really hard to say what my wife does for a living.

She sells seashells on the seashore.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Just learned the word for constipation in German.

Farfrompoopen.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What did Delaware? Maybe a New Jersey?

I don't know, but Alaska.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My grandfather was terrible, but then I had my first child...

And he became a great grandfather.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why did the Biology teacher break up with the Physics teacher?

There was no chemistry.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I saw a man going up a hill with a trolley full of horseshoes, four-leaf clovers and rabbits feet.

I thought: "Wow, he's pushing his luck!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife threatened to leave me because of my "filthy and disgusting habits".

I was so shocked I nearly choked on my toenails.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I'm in a band called Dyslexia.

We've just released our Greatest Shit album.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What's the name of a religious group that makes life harder on purpose?

The Diffi Cult.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I finally bought my son his first watch.

It’s about time.

 

[GoblinSlayer]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I asked an old man I know, "Even after 95 years, you still call your wife 'Darling', 'Honey', 'Love'.

What's the secret?"

Old man: "I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm scared to ask her".