Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Don’t use double negatives.

They’re a big no no.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I am getting a little sick of my wife complaining that I sit around and do nothing all weekend.

I’m not going to stand for it.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Boss told me that as a security guard, it's my job to watch the office.

I'm on season 6 but I'm not really sure what it's got to do with security.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I am starting a business to teach short people maths.

It’s called making the little things count.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What does a tapeworm have in common with the Eiffel Tower?

They’re both Paris sites.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My girlfriend came to me with a balloon that said "will you marry me?"

So I popped the question.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?

I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don’t know either.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What’s it called when a chameleon can’t change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I had a game of quiet tennis today.

It’s just like regular tennis but without the racket.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Where do rainbows go when they’re bad? Prism.

It’s a light sentence.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.

Schwepped her off her feet.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What's the toughest part of being a vegan?

Keeping it to yourself.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much...

It scared the hell out of me, so today I’ve decided never to read it again.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I taught my pet wolf how to meditate...

Now he's aware wolf.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

The first annual meeting of camouflage club was a disaster.

It looks like no one showed up.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I’ve started telling people about the benefits of dried grapes.

It’s all about raisin awareness.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Doctor, doctor . . . All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

Doctor: Sounds like a really bad case of parking sons disease