Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Bought a friend a candle extinguisher.

He was de-lighted.

 

[flamebouyant]

Whats the most surprising thing about covid?

Its the only thing to have ever come out of china that lasted more then a year.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Just bought a book called 101 Ways to Get Glue Off Your Hands

It's dreadful, but I can't put it down!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A friend of mine kept annoying me with puns about birds.

But I taught him Toucan play that game!

 

[BlackJackBulldog]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How do you spot a secret agent?

Give him measles.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A friend met his girlfriend at a local summer village festival.

It was fete.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

When I get in to work I immediately hide.

Good employees are hard to find.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colour?

He had a reptile dysfunction.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I put my phone under my pillow last night.

When I woke up it was gone and there was a $1 coin in it's place.

It was the Bluetooth Fairy!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I went to see my dentist the other day but she was on holiday.

There was a locum filling in.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Some would say that putting decorative soaps that look like food in their bathrooms is cute.

But it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

 

[Sandra's Bollocks]

Have you heard about the blind gigolo?

He was really bad in bed but great at lip reading.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you hear about the T-rex who sells guns?

He's a small arms dealer.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a lazy kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I accidently drank a bottle of disappearing ink.

Now I'm sitting in the ER waiting to be seen.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

As I looked at my naked body in the mirror...

I realised that I was going to get kicked out of IKEA.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I told my doctor "yoga is the best antidepressant available".

"Sounds like a bit of a stretch", he replied.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I ordered a Thesaurus recently, when it arrived all the pages were blank

I have no words to describe my anger

 

[DinkumDog]