Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Archaeologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia.

It's going to be quite the shindig.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...

It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe leannnnnnn....

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I’m making a new documentary series on how to fly an airplane.

We are currently filming the pilot.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

How are sex and bungee jumping related?

When the rubber breaks, you're screwed!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's okay. He woke up.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My grandpa has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

 

[Bazildog]

I haven't sold a single copy of my autobiography.

That's the story of my life.

Is there a sequel ?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Is there a sequel ?

Yes, How I Went Broke Writing an Autobiography

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[south of heaven]

I told the mrs the neighbour died today, she said who Ray?
I said nows not the time for celebrating

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A wizard asked me to proof read one of his scrolls last week...

Actually it was more of a Spell Check.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why did Dracula not want to attend the business meeting?

He was afraid of the stakeholders.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call the man who shreds your cheese at a restaurant?

Not sure, but he seems like a grate guy.

 

[Bazildog]

Little Johnny is late for school. Teacher says “where you been Johnny?”

Johnny says “I’ve been out sticking crackers up frogs ass’s miss”

She says “you mean rectrum don’t you Johnny?”

He says “fuckin oath miss, blew the little pricks to bits…”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I put up a high-voltage electric fence around my house.

My neighbour is dead against it.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Genie: “What’s your first wish?”

Steve: “I wish I was rich.”

Genie: “What’s your second wish, Rich?”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself...

This takes me back.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you. You have my Word.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

You want to know the way to my heart?

A scalpel and a bone saw.