Dad jokes

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What do you call a dinosaur who can't shit properly?
I'vegotasaurass
 

Trendsetter

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Where did little Emily go after the bombings...

Everywhere.
 

The DoggFather

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Here's a good Ol lame fav of mine.
Why did the leb cross the road?
To bash the chicken.
Why did the Lebs friends and cousins cross the road?
Because the chicken was winning
What do you call a hot leb?

Asif
 

dogluva

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A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO.......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
 

dogluva

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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
 

The DoggFather

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Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing
 

dogluva

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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.

"Give me one last request, dear," he said.

"Of course, John," his wife said softly.

"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."

"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.

With his last breath John said, "I do!"
 

dogluva

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A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife.. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours.

You want my advice?"

The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,

"Take the poison."
 

dogluva

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What is a dentist's favorite musical instrument?


A tuba toothpaste.
 

CrittaMagic69

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What is heavy forwards but not backwards?


A Ton.
 
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