Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife is leaving me because I'm going bald.

I'm not bothered, it's hair loss.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

You gotta hand it to short people.

Because they can't reach it on their own.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a dead magician?

An abracadaver.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why are frogs always so happy?

They eat whatever bugs them.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.

But he's still making fun of me.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I just locked eyes with a spider.

But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

It's a disgrace that gingerbread men…

...are forced to live in houses made of their own flesh.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

As soon as space travel is possible, I’m moving from the Milky Way to the Soymilky Way galaxy.

I’m galactose intolerant.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A detective showed up at my house and asked me where I was between 5 & 6.

I told him kindergarten.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Wife: I'm pregnant.

Me: Hi pregnant, I'm dad!

Wife: No, you're not.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My new girlfriend told me I'm terrible in bed.

I told her it's unfair to make a judgement in less than a minute.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I asked my smart phone what to do when I feel sleepy in the middle of the day.

It turns out there’s a nap for that!

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My dad quit his job to pursue his dream in archeology.

His career is now in ruins.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Last night I dreamt in colour, But then I woke up and realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My friend recently quit his job to pursue a career in miming.

I haven’t heard from him since.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I went to the pub with a boxer.

But he’s just a lightweight.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I just learned the medical name for Viagra.

Mycoxaflopin.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off.

She said: “How about walking through the room naked?”

 

[Smartseal]

I just learned the medical name for Viagra.

Mycoxaflopin.

I actually thought it was "Dixaphillin"