Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd been with.

She said yes, all the others had been nines and tens.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf.

I haven’t heard from him since.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall.

He was a terrible King but he made a greal ruler.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Just read that by law you have to turn your headlights on when it’s raining in Sweden

How am I meant to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Yesterday I ate a clock, it was very time consuming.

Especially when I went back for seconds.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My coworkers laugh at my jokes in in-person meetings, but never in online meetings.

When I asked them why, they said that my jokes weren't remotely funny.

 

[BlackJackBulldog]

 

[Gene Krupa]

Once upon a time there was a daddy Gnu, mummy Gnu and baby Gnu and they went out walking at night and got run over by a truck. Well that's the end of the Gnus, now for the weather forecast.

 

[GoblinSlayer]

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My dog accidentally swallowed a whole bag of scrabble tiles. We took him to the vet to get him checked out.

No word yet.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be.

No need to remind her every half hour.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Platypus walks into Duck’s bar. He finishes his drink and Duck gives him the check.

Duck billed Platypus.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a Cult that is hard to get into?

Difficult.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it in water.

If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats buoyant.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A little known fact - before the crowbar was invented…

..crows simply drank at home.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling like honey.

You know she's a keeper.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I asked my boss for a raise because 3 companies are after me. He asked me which ones?

I replied: gas, water and electric.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Why did Spider-Man's evil twin fail his driver's test?

He was a bad parallel Parker.