I can honestly say that I believe I had the weirdest possible dream when I was about 18. Nothing's ever come close to it for weirdness. (I would like to add before starting this story that I am a heterosexual male and know pretty much nothing of the person involved. I'm not some odd closet fan.)
In my dream:
I got a new job working in a theatre. I had no idea what the job was when I turned up for my first day of work. I arrived and introduced myself to someone as the new guy and I had my work explained to me.
There was a standard theatre stage with the curtains pulled back. I was told to stand behind the curtain, just out of eyesight of where the crowd would be. I was told that there would be a giant rolled mattress and that someone would count me in "3... 2... 1..." from the other side of the stage and when it came to the end of the countdown, all I had to do was give the mattress a little push so it would roll into the centre of the stage. The guy asked if I understood these instructions and I said I did.
Anyway, it came to performance time and sure enough, there was a giant rolled matress that was something like 1.5m high at the edge of the stage. I took my place behind it, the curtains pulled back and some other act was on the stage. Eventually after what felt like ages, I got my 3…2…1… signal and I did as instructed and pushed the mattress onto the stage.
As the mattress reached the middle of the stage, it started to unravel. When it fully opened up, out jumped Barbra Streisand and she launched into a medley of showtunes.
After the show, she came up to me and thanked me.
She said I was the best mattress roller she’d ever worked with.
I wonder what a shrink would make of that.
