Nasheed here,
I'll make a statement shortly on this.
I'm just gathering my thoughts at the moment. The last few hours have been a bit of a whirlwind.
At the moment, everything is numb. Yes this could be the meth, but at the moment I feel like I have received a punch to the gut, with the pain, but without the pain. Hard to say.
The many emotions that have gone t he high my mind the last hour alone feel like a hailstorm of pain and confusion. There are some predictable emotions, such as sadness, anger, panic, betrayal or a sense of loss.
Yet, in the array of feelings that hit so hard, there are some emotions that I just never expected to feel.
Hope;
There is a sense of hope knowing that if he impresses in his farewell games, there is still a chance for us, for him, for me, for al of us. Kerrod May change his mind. Barrett May reach out with an olive branch. On a less satisfactory level, there is a strong chance that Newcastle hold the hand of opportunity and make room for him.
Acceptance;
Regardless of his career, unless you're Cameron Smith, you always know the end would come some day.
Yes we all thought that he would be going in until around 34 years of age, but I always knew he had dreams of going to England to play. The culture, the vineyards of south France, the grapes of Georgia, triple distilled Vodka of Kyiv, mountains of Switzerland, castles of Luxembourg. All that.
Basically, when I think about it, he only really had one 3 year contract in him at age 28 anyway.
We forget he debuted as a mature age student. Despite his youthful looks, blue eyes and smile, and also gameplay on the field, we do forget at times he's already much older than the NRL rugby player.
Spite;
I just can't help but feel like the Club has just scored an own goal here. I feel like they sort of deserve to be in the hole they are in at the moment. I'm kind of laughing at the thought of the spoon.
I just don't understand why a match winning player, capable of sparking attack from nothing, as we have seen MANY times, was passed around like a Burwood slut from side to side and position to position. Dropped one day, pop up at hooker the next, then to wing, left centre, right centre. You name it. We needed attack. We needed points. All we had to do is let Kerrod settle in either his right side centre or preferred Fullback position, and we would have been fine.
I mean, He HAD his breakout season, 2018. When he led the NRL for line breaks, one of the most potent try scorers and assists compared to matches played. He still remains the most profilic try scorer in the club sort from Reimis in terms of matches player even now.
We had our rockstar, our saviour, our spark in the night, our Orifin and Australian rep, and we ruined him! Beat the life out of him. I shouldn't say 'we', because that would imply us fans helped, but we always knew who he was, it was the club. The stupid club. They tried to do it to Cook, Finucane and a few others, and they have Finished it with Holland. Took him in, cheque's hin up and spat him out, kept him as a caterpillar in the egg thing instead of letting him fly like the butterfly he is.
Even with that, we would still seee glimpses of the natural brilliance. Just look at the Canberra try 3 days ago.
I don't think he's a Dufty, Matt Cooper or Josh Morris level defender by all means, and he has had defensive lapses, but remember he has been outraged best defensive centre this year.
It's just all BS, it's surreal. Why does our club do this? Why the self hatred? I am not a particularly a big Kerrod Holland fan personally but I just don't get it. It didn't need to be this way.
It's just not fair. What a shitty bday present. Nasheed.
