I'm getting a new neighbour.... What to expect?

Caveman

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My elderly next door neighbour is cleaning up ready to sell. Maybe going to live up the coast somewhere.

So now it's time for a new neighbour!!

What's your ideal neighbour? Traits?

Maybe a young yummy mummy who sunbakes topless in the back yard? (I live in a 2 storey house that overlooks their yard)

Maybe a good tiler or cabinet maker that can do me a free kitchen / bathroom reno

Obviously someone that doesn't cook shit that stinks.

I dont like noisy neighbours but I like them to tolerate my noise

Any applicants on here? Maybe @Alan79? can listen to my stories all weekend.

So I need to screen the purchasers and act like a renter if I dont like em. Spook them from buying
Great news!

I've just bought a house off a elderly couple who are moving up the coast, it's a nice house, I heard the neighbour in the double story next door is top notch!

I hope he doesn't mind me sunbaking naked in the back yard, 8m a fat middle aged man who's bum crack runs right up to his neck... Makes it hard to clean it properly as I can't reach the middle of my back, I neesd to sunbake naked to help sterilize the bits I miss.

I enjoy showing off my my motor vehicles by doing burnouts up and down the street.

I've always got a keen interest in other people's mail and enjoy going to street barbecues so I can scope the joint out.

My kids are great, real larricans, they bring a bit of fun to the neighbourhood with their silly little pranks and demented sense of humour when they are not in juvi.

Anyways, just thought I'd share the good news!!!
 

SPEARTAKVIDREFS

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I play drums. Im shit too. Cant keep time and I only know wipout. Real Estate phone number please?
 

Blue_boost

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Ok ok the first home inspection done and I have reviewed the buyers..

There was about 10-12 groups that went through.

One couple stood out ....

A blonde lady walked in with Leppard pants and big jugs. Sell sell sell sell. Who cares about her partner, whatever his name was.

Can we all pray she buys.. she turned up in a nice car too soon maybe she has some cash

A few people turned up in Range Rovers and BMW so they could be $1.95 initial favourites
 
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Blue_boost

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No under contract sticker so it's still a live ball

After the inspection there was a bunch of Lebanese girls that walked up to look at the house from outside. I was also outside and started chatting with them. They said their dad came earlier.. they seemed nice and pretty hot..

My question is can someone on here clarify if Lebanese girls are crazy? Or any more crazy than other girls? Do I want them next door? They are hot but I dunno if the headaches will be worth it?
 

Blue_boost

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There was also an old guy (75yrs) and his wife who inspected the house. He made a rather shit joke as we were in the garage .. he chuckled ..

It was a shit joke but I like his style. I could imagine throwing a few barb's at him and he throwing a few back. He could be a dark horse
 

Memberberries

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No under contract sticker so it's still a live ball

After the inspection there was a bunch of Lebanese girls that walked up to look at the house from outside. I was also outside and started chatting with them. They said their dad came earlier.. they seemed nice and pretty hot..

My question is can someone on here clarify if Lebanese girls are crazy? Or any more crazy than other girls? Do I want them next door? They are hot but I dunno if the headaches will be worth it?
Lebanese girls either drive too fast or too slow.
Either way they still drive like shit!
 

Blue_boost

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I'm going to make an offer.

If the lady with the big jugs buys the place here is my offer..

This place does not have a pool.. on a hot day if the lady with the big jugs wants to go for a swim , instead of driving to the beach, just come over and jump in the pool.

If she don't like tan lines, no problem , no swimsuit required. Can I be fairer than that?
 

Bob dog

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Don't expect anything, he doesn't need to know what you do at home and you don't need to know what he does.
 

Blue_boost

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New neighbour moves in today.

Arguably the hardest job in Sydney to live next door to me, with my impossible standards and critique. but also has the most privilege.

If they do the right thing, this could be the start of a great friendship but I'd they act up or out of line, I'll straighten their teeth
 
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Blueandwhiteblood1968

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My elderly next door neighbour is cleaning up ready to sell. Maybe going to live up the coast somewhere.

So now it's time for a new neighbour!!

What's your ideal neighbour? Traits?

Maybe a young yummy mummy who sunbakes topless in the back yard? (I live in a 2 storey house that overlooks their yard)

Maybe a good tiler or cabinet maker that can do me a free kitchen / bathroom reno

Obviously someone that doesn't cook shit that stinks.

I dont like noisy neighbours but I like them to tolerate my noise

Any applicants on here? Maybe @Alan79? can listen to my stories all weekend.

So I need to screen the purchasers and act like a renter if I dont like em. Spook them from buying
I'm guessing your gonna get a family of 6 with 2 German shepherds, and the noise will make your life a misery sorry but I'm a pessimist and a bastard lol
 

El Padrino

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My elderly next door neighbour is cleaning up ready to sell. Maybe going to live up the coast somewhere.

So now it's time for a new neighbour!!

What's your ideal neighbour? Traits?

Maybe a young yummy mummy who sunbakes topless in the back yard? (I live in a 2 storey house that overlooks their yard)

Maybe a good tiler or cabinet maker that can do me a free kitchen / bathroom reno

Obviously someone that doesn't cook shit that stinks.

I dont like noisy neighbours but I like them to tolerate my noise

Any applicants on here? Maybe @Alan79? can listen to my stories all weekend.

So I need to screen the purchasers and act like a renter if I dont like em. Spook them from buying
your in luck Blue Balls

your gonna get sex, sex and more sex from your new neighbor....

hopefully he buys you dinner first
 

Blue_boost

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The new owners will rent it out.
My worst fear has come true. I had not looked all week but there is a leased sign out the front of it. What did I do to deserve this.. a renter next door to me. What do I expect now? Cigarette smoke everywhere, lawns never mowed, shit cars parked everywhere, fat people , I dunno , f$$ken hell. Cars with fogged up headlights.

If I would have known earlier I would havE leased it myself and left it empty.. Better noone than a renter next door.

Brace yourself, there will be more than a few threads examine the bastard renter.
 
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Blue_boost

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For the renters out there I seek out your help.

As they say to go into the hornets nest, you too must be a hornet so please prepare me

Do I board up my windows , make sure I don't leave anything outside, front or back, lock my mail box, spray insecticide twice daily along the fence border to keep the cockroaches/rats on their side, any more tips from renters?
 
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