Broncos - Clint Eastwood: Bennett likes it when he's compared to Clint Eastwood.
Storm - David Koch: Boring, predictable clinical. But knows how to get the job done.
Dragons - Tigers Woods: Former champ. Showing signs of a rebirth.
Rabbitohs - Scott Cam: Still pretending to be working class, but we know the truth.
Knights - Shannon Noll: Promised much early but hasn't been sighted recently.
Roosters - Sofia Vergara: Very expensive to keep, but worth every cent.
Panthers - Shane Warne: Desperately trying to plug holes. Some days we like him, some we don't.
Tigers - Margot Robbie: Hot young star on the rise.
Warriors - Miley Cyrus: Highly entertaining, but very unpredictable.
Bulldogs - Justin Bieber: Disliked by everyone, but their own fans.
Cowboys - Rebel Williams: Famous bridesmaid, Chasing success on the big stage.
Sharks - Lindsay Lohan: Out of rehab, but not fully recovered.
Eels - Gwyneth Paltrow: Lost their man and behaving erratically.
Titans - Clive Palmer: Trying to rebuild a sunken ship.
Raiders - William & Kate: Meant to be a perfect marriage but time will tell.
Sea Eagles - Kevin Rudd: Down and out at the moment, but are certainties to be centre stage one day.