Dad jokes

I’ve never owned a telescope before but it’s something I’d consider looking into.
 
Just found out my parents left me an entire parcel of land.

That means a whole lot.
 
The word “queue” is ironic.

It’s just the letter “Q” with a bunch of silent letters waiting in line.
 
I should’ve known that inventing a boomerang with teeth would come back to bite me.
 
When I was a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft.

I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
 
I can tell I’m getting old because my kids don’t want to listen to Whitesnake with me.

So here I go again on my own.
 
When a girl says “First of all" in an argument.

Dude just surrender cause she prepared a Power Point.
 
At my last colonoscopy I had the doctor write a note to my wife stating that my head was NOT up there...
 
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday... said maybe they'll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
 
I came home & my dog peed a little because he was happy to see me.

None of my friends pee when they see me.

I'm surrounded by fakes.
 
I've asked my wife to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.

She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
 
Fixing typos in your texts is for cowards.

I'll message someone: “whatr you dong toncift" and that's on them to figure out what I just said.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top