Dear Adam,
I’m not sure if you peruse this forum. Part of me hopes you do so you will see and read this heartfelt letter. Another part of me hopes you don’t because you deserve to be shielded from toxic keyboard coaches and the irrational and unhealthy levels of vitriol they direct towards you.
Over recent weeks the suggestion that you might be better off at Melbourne has been brought to my attention. After a great deal of angst and soul searching, I have come to a conclusion which I believe is truly reflective of my and your best interests– you need to stay and ride out the storm (no pun intended).
I know it must be tempting to go to a club where you won’t be expected to defend on the wing after the clown tasked with protecting it rushes recklessly infield to chase a kick deflection….where you won’t be made to look silly due to the indecision of your inside defenders, or by players who choose to appeal for non-existent obstructions rather than to make tackles.
The prospect of going to a club where quality halves will make the most of your natural attacking ability must be alluring. I’m sure it must be hard for you not to daydream about playing for a well-run club; a club which will give you the opportunity to play finals footy every year and win titles, a club which will help you to realise your origin potential, a club with smarter fans who will appreciate what they have. Fans who will clap, cheer, chant your name and wear cardboard face masks bearing your likeness.
You must find yourself frequently pondering the possibility of starting a new life in a new city where you can take your pants off in private without being hounded by the media – your scrotum billowing on the winds of change like the mainsail of some magnificent ship.
The thing to remember is this –things are about to get a lot better. You and young Burton will truly bring the best out of each other. What’s more, your future bestie JAC is on his way and will bring all of Melbourne’s secrets with him. Next year, this won’t be just a two man team any more. You and Corey Allan will be able to turn to some quality teammates and say, ‘Hey, brother, my back is sore and my legs are tired, would you mind lightening my load?’ Add some forwards and a hooker to the mix and we won’t be far away from a new Dog Dynasty. You won’t be far away from the rep honours and accolades you so richly deserve and the 900k next contract which will set you up for life.
Make no mistake, many of the fans of this great club don’t deserve you, but the club deserves you. I deserve you….and you deserve us. Stay Adam, We need your passion for this club. Young generations of Bulldogs need heroes they can depend on and in you, a hero they shall find. You are the foundation of this club. You are that source of dependability young bulldogs who are not as worn down and jaded as their parents and grandparents can rely on. You are STABILITY. After all, the sponsorship logos on our jerseys may change, but we know so long as you are at the club, you will always wear your heart on your sleeve.
Also, I don’t want to have to remove my tattoo of your head on a bulldog’s body. Tattoo removal is painful and expensive. I will leave you with seven immortal words from the legendary Little River band…’Hang on, help is on its way’.
With love from your willing servant and friend,
UH
