Dishonesty and deception

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iWahash

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How important is honesty and trust to you guys in a relationship?

FFS, I've been in on-off-on-off relationship for three years with a girl who has been dishonest the whole ****ing way. It cuts deep because I knew she was a lying *****, yet I lied to myself that she was being truthful so I could be with her.

Recently, I told her to **** off and never talk to me again, but I found out this girl is wack. She lived an almost completely different life to what she lead me onto believe. No honesty, no integrity, nothing. She flirts with every guy she meets, yet thinks its just socialising. Now I feel really stupid and upset because I knew it all along, i just didn't want to accept it..

Mind you, after we broke up 2 years ago, she was with someone else for a year, and I waited until they broke up till I asked her out again. The whole time she was with this other bloke, she was telling me she loves me?

Not even a month ago, she was telling me she loved me and knew we should be together and **** like that. Then she tells me the next day she doesn't love me and stuff like that..Amazing, absolutely amazing...

Now If that isn't a big case of dishonesty and deception then **** I don't know what is. But I allowed myself to be taken in..*sigh*...thanks for listening..
 

Slats

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honesty and respect are the most important things in a relationship. without them there is no love. this girl obviously isn't the one for you, so move on. i know where you're coming from, having just left a dishonest relationship, so believe me when i say you're better off without her. just stay away from her, and you'll be over her in time. in the long run, you'll be much happier and find someone who truely respects you.

head up little soldier! things always get better. :grinning:
 

Hma

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i sorta understand where you are coming from, ive seen it so many times happen to friends etc... it will be a hard mission moving on, but ill tell u dnt go out with any other girl for a while now, i no it wuld be hard but trust me on this 1, down the track if you do go out with another girl and you really havent gotten over this 1 and she comes back into your life then your gona end up hurting the new 1 and it will just be a rebound relationship and it wont be fair on the new 1, u could feel you might fall in love (or wateva) with a new one but really ur just trying to take away the pain from the old relationship..

The best thing for you is to be relationship free for abit to regain your complete independence and rely on urself in everything you do...

therez no relationship if therez no trust, even if you wuld call it a relationship without it but really it aint one, because without trust then every single action or thing said by your partner wuld be thought over and over by you without really believing it but u think you wuld because of the feelings you have for her
 

bLaQDoG..

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Habib i got one piece of advice for you... DUMP THE *****... shes a complete waste of time, shes messing with your head and shes not worth the effort...

It wont be easy but i reckon you should try and move on, before she calls you again and tells you she loves you... or doesnt?
 

-Kurry-

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tbh i understand where ya coming from maj...... deception in a relationship can be one of the most damaging thing not only on your emotion but oon your future relationshps. deception is a powerful illusion that sometimes the partner gets sucked into, and because they believe that they love this person, they view it as real. did you ever talk about this with your friends.often the one in love can see no harm, but friends have a different angle, we are not deaf to the rumours/stories/word that your ears are ignorant to.

the whole business about loving you and then not the next day, could be because or a myriad of reasons. she could have thought she loved you...thus is a massive conflict in a girls brain that sometimes you arnt sure of.
she was lying either time.....she either loves you or didnt. she could be lying about either( even about the not loving yu part- sometimes denying love can be a way to trick herself into believing it too)
she never really loved you properly, or didnt know what love is yet....and im sure you dont either...you have this connection but until you fiind your true love you wont know its true meaning :grinning: so
dont let this down you too much.. relationships are *****es, and you are young so it was boudn to happen. you live learn and move on..
[ i am referin to passionate love not love in general....i love everyone, but not to the extent of a relationship...get me? :o]

tbh you may be emotionally scarred, but scars are cool imo :grinning:
(i know that sounded gay as but it is 5.2 am...tha is a bloody good reason for gayness! lol )
 

100% Warriors

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for me i reckon honesty and respect are the 2 things girls need to do to u because if they dont give u respect then that probably means she doesnt like u and honesty she always has to be honest to u because if she doesnt ur gonna find out wat she is hiding from u and ur just gonna probably break up with her or she will probably break up with u
 
C

Cookie^Monstah

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Abdooli you know what i think :grinning:
and wait til you're in uni before you get involved with anyone else, relationships seem to be the biggest waste of time to me these days *sigh*

Honesty is the most important thing to me, i dont like to butter things up and i expct the same in return but its hard to find 'real' people...

Hma said:
i sorta understand where you are coming from, ive seen it so many times happen to friends etc... it will be a hard mission moving on, but ill tell u dnt go out with any other girl for a while now, i no it wuld be hard but trust me on this 1, down the track if you do go out with another girl and you really havent gotten over this 1 and she comes back into your life then your gona end up hurting the new 1 and it will just be a rebound relationship and it wont be fair on the new 1, u could feel you might fall in love (or wateva) with a new one but really ur just trying to take away the pain from the old relationship..

The best thing for you is to be relationship free for abit to regain your complete independence and rely on urself in everything you do...

therez no relationship if therez no trust, even if you wuld call it a relationship without it but really it aint one, because without trust then every single action or thing said by your partner wuld be thought over and over by you without really believing it but u think you wuld because of the feelings you have for her
:o theres more to you then being a beefed up young boy :p there might actually be a heart beatin in there somewhere...
 

Hma

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Cookie^Monstah said:
k: theres more to you then being a beefed up young boy :p there might actually be a heart beatin in there somewhere...
lol i duno wat to say, dnt judge a book by the cover ? :p :o
 

Maza

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Abdul is this the same chick you were talking to me about the other day?

If so, then i dont know how the **** you were thinking of all that serious stuff u were telling me about! She's playing with your feelings big time, after she got away with it the first time she thinks she can do it to you whenever she likes.

It's heaps hard especially if you have put in ur head that she is a good person, despite the obvious, but u've taken the first big steps.. you've woken up to reality and told her to **** off!! if i tell you things will be easier after that then i would be lying, bcoz from the sounds of it she don't know what **** off and leave me alone means. I reckon things like this, and getting over someone, is all mind games. you only believe what u put in ur head, so tell urself that you dont need her and dont want her!!

It's all in your hands now. if you go back to her again, then its just gunna be the same old hurtful, vicious cycle, and i know that u dont want that. Keep your foot down and maybe the girl will actually take u seriously and realise that she ****ed things up herself, she's to blame.

Head up Abdul, ur better and stronger than that, goodluck!!
 

½

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stop being an emotional gary, sort this situation out rationally and move on
 

Maza

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halfie i think u will find that he is trying to sort it out...

A guy with emotions is a good thing tbh
 

BulldogStar

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trust and honesty is vital in a relationship, if you cant trust someone, and you dont believe they are being honest then there is no ifs and buts tbh.. you just shouldnt be with them.

i was with a guy not too long ago now, who i didnt trust for a number of reasons, he proved to me that he was just like every other guy who'd ever hurt me and i should have realised alot sooner that people like that are neevr worth your time

maj you deserve much better and im absolutely positive that you will find a girl that deserves you soon !
 

bulldogruss

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sounds like you liked the comfort factor in this relationship. Tried to ignore the **** and enjoyed having someone there. This is a good feeling whilst all is good and the bad **** isnt present, but makes things a whole lot worse when it shows itself.

You know what to do im sure and a few of the ppl here have told you - but its a matter if you can keep the courage up to stick with your decision. That will prove what kinda person you really are. Relationships for the sake of having someone are definitely over-rated and generally cause more trouble/ heartache than they are worth...

good luck
 

stiffystephy

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Slats said:
honesty and respect are the most important things in a relationship. without them there is no love. this girl obviously isn't the one for you, so move on. i know where you're coming from, having just left a dishonest relationship, so believe me when i say you're better off without her. just stay away from her, and you'll be over her in time. in the long run, you'll be much happier and find someone who truely respects you.

head up little soldier! things always get better. :grinning:
I dont need to read anymore replies or leave on big one of my own sayin what i think...Slats has said it perfectly
 

Rodzilla

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the replies in this thread are very touching:(

but seriously, TOO much honesty can be a problem

like the time when i said to the girl

"i really really want us to get naked and read a 'where's wally?' book togeather"

it didnt go down to well with my lady friend:o
 

iWahash

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I think I have enjoyed that 'comfort zone' of just being with someone and allowed myself to believe her lies. My problem is I'm serious when it comes to a relationship, I don't like being ****ed around with so I don't **** around. This girl has so many things hidden from me. Even her best friends advised me against being with her. As did my friends. I've spoken to many people about it too. At one stage my mum even knew. What a bloody mistake! And this whole time she's been a lying *****. FMD man..

The thing about this girl is that it has been going on for so long it's gotten rediculous and I've tried almost everything but still can not seem to get over her. I've had so many rebound relationships because of her its not funny. I would allow her back everytime she ran to me. I feel so ****ing stupid sometimes.

I tell her to **** off but she's caniving, the stupid *****. But at the same time, when she speaks to me I feel as though she does love me, yet doesn't know what or who she wants. I swear, talk about feeling like a Yoyo ffs.

I never knew how wise and helpful all you kennelers really are.. ffs...theres more to this forum than the Bulldogs. thanks :o
 
M

MrCharisma

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In regards to honesty in a relationship... I believe there are stuff a girl should know and there is stuff that they shouldn't.

I'm not saying I go out and cheat on the girl and don't tell her... but it should be on a 'need to know' basis.

If a guy trys to chat her up, 99% I don't want to know because I'd go insane... and the same goes with me. If it directly effects the relationship, partners need to fess up and be honest.

In this situation, you need to boot her arse. There are alot of good people out there and I think you are wasting your time champion. This is time you'll NEVER get back, so stop wasting it on someone who isn't treating you with the same respect.
 
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