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Kieran Foran has been forced to confront his footballing mortality as he works hard to fast-track his return from shoulder surgery.
He is doing everything he can rehabbing his left shoulder – after surgery in November – and the rest of his body to make sure that another injury doesn't spell the end of his career.
The Bulldogs veteran hasn't been on the field much over the past two years due to serious toe and then syndesmosis injuries. He has played 26 games in two seasons.
"I'm hopeful this is it for me and I can have some injury free seasons and hit some really good form," Foran said at the Bulldogs' 2020 season launch this week.
"Look, I'm not naive to think that it's a possibility that if I get another bad injury ... I think if that was the case maybe it's my body telling me it's time."
But for the moment he is throwing everything he has into returning to Dean Pay's side.
"I'm just trying to get a bit of strength back in the shoulder, have started some light pulling weights and trying to get some bulk through the shoulder.
"I am not on the field yet – still contained inside," Foran said.
But he is looking at a seven-month return rather than the initial forecast of 9-10 months. That would bring him back on to the field in June.
"That is sort of when I am looking. I would love to get back as quick as I can but I have to make sure I do it properly and get it right.
"But I am really eager to get back on the field with the boys and contribute this year. I have missed a lot of footy and that burns me."
It's not only messing with his mind – it's clouding his future.
"I am in the last year of a contract but I can’t go to the club and say 'Do you want to keep me?
"I completely respect the club’s position. They are going to say 'We want to wait to see how your body holds up'. I completely respect that.
"All I can focus on at the moment is working as hard as I can around the boys, meeting a good example, doing everything I can to get back on the field this year.
"Hopefully once I get back I can have a bit contribution to how we go. Hopefully if I do that the Dogs turn around and (come to the table)."
Foran not only wants to make it back to the NRL, he also wants to hold his place in the Kiwis side.
But why would someone who has won a premiership (Manly 2011), played in a World Cup final (2013) and won the Four Nations Cup (2015) want to push his body to breaking point?
"I guess what is keeping me going is I am 29. If I was 34 going through these injuries I would probably say to myself 'you know what, your best footy is probably done and it is time to move on'," Foran said.
"As a five-eighth, at 29, you feel like you are coming into your best years. That is what I feel like. I feel like the next three to four years will be my best yet providing my body can stay on the field each week.
"The fact that when I am on the field I feel like I am still playing my best footy.
"That is the real unfortunate thing of what I have been through in three years. When I have been on the field with the boys I feel like I have plenty in the tank. My body has just been really unlucky.
"I had brilliant years at Manly but I compare the player I was a Manly to the player I am at the Bulldogs and I am a far better player at the Dogs than I was at Manly.
"I was a young kid then and my game was nowhere near as all-rounded as it has been the last few years. I feel I can go another level on that. That is what keeps me going – the internal belief that I still believe I can get there."
He is doing everything he can rehabbing his left shoulder – after surgery in November – and the rest of his body to make sure that another injury doesn't spell the end of his career.
The Bulldogs veteran hasn't been on the field much over the past two years due to serious toe and then syndesmosis injuries. He has played 26 games in two seasons.
"I'm hopeful this is it for me and I can have some injury free seasons and hit some really good form," Foran said at the Bulldogs' 2020 season launch this week.
"Look, I'm not naive to think that it's a possibility that if I get another bad injury ... I think if that was the case maybe it's my body telling me it's time."
But for the moment he is throwing everything he has into returning to Dean Pay's side.
"I'm just trying to get a bit of strength back in the shoulder, have started some light pulling weights and trying to get some bulk through the shoulder.
"I am not on the field yet – still contained inside," Foran said.
But he is looking at a seven-month return rather than the initial forecast of 9-10 months. That would bring him back on to the field in June.
"That is sort of when I am looking. I would love to get back as quick as I can but I have to make sure I do it properly and get it right.
"But I am really eager to get back on the field with the boys and contribute this year. I have missed a lot of footy and that burns me."
It's not only messing with his mind – it's clouding his future.
"I am in the last year of a contract but I can’t go to the club and say 'Do you want to keep me?
"I completely respect the club’s position. They are going to say 'We want to wait to see how your body holds up'. I completely respect that.
"All I can focus on at the moment is working as hard as I can around the boys, meeting a good example, doing everything I can to get back on the field this year.
"Hopefully once I get back I can have a bit contribution to how we go. Hopefully if I do that the Dogs turn around and (come to the table)."
Foran not only wants to make it back to the NRL, he also wants to hold his place in the Kiwis side.
But why would someone who has won a premiership (Manly 2011), played in a World Cup final (2013) and won the Four Nations Cup (2015) want to push his body to breaking point?
"I guess what is keeping me going is I am 29. If I was 34 going through these injuries I would probably say to myself 'you know what, your best footy is probably done and it is time to move on'," Foran said.
"As a five-eighth, at 29, you feel like you are coming into your best years. That is what I feel like. I feel like the next three to four years will be my best yet providing my body can stay on the field each week.
"The fact that when I am on the field I feel like I am still playing my best footy.
"That is the real unfortunate thing of what I have been through in three years. When I have been on the field with the boys I feel like I have plenty in the tank. My body has just been really unlucky.
"I had brilliant years at Manly but I compare the player I was a Manly to the player I am at the Bulldogs and I am a far better player at the Dogs than I was at Manly.
"I was a young kid then and my game was nowhere near as all-rounded as it has been the last few years. I feel I can go another level on that. That is what keeps me going – the internal belief that I still believe I can get there."
