So far 2020 has been fukked for the most part.
It started off Jan 7th (Orthodox Christmas) we decided to have it at our place. 20 of our closes relos, dad prepared a lamb on the spit, munchies, cakes, pasties, booze, the whole lot. Anyways dad has been having these unexplained dizzy spells where he can't stand and needs to lay down. He's been ok lately but halfway through our shindig it decided to hit him again - and hard. So he had no choice but to quietly leave the party and go lay in bed. Once everyone eventually got word of what happened, the whole mood of the party changed. We eventually had lunch but without the head of the house. Luckily all the family were there to help clean up. Dad ended up feeling a lot better later that day which was a relief.
Then last Friday week, I fell sick. All of a sudden I got a stomach cramp, and pretty much in the faetal position with constant intense pain for 4 days. None of the OTC drugs helped one bit. Now stupidly, I didn't go to the hospital straight away hoping it would go away after a day or so, but that wasn't to be. So eventually bit the bullet and went early Monday morning. They gave me Endone and a cup of this God awful drink that numbs your insides. That helped greatly. After 8 hours they let me go home. All tests and scans came back clear so fukk knows what's wrong with my gut? The pain lingers here and there but I'm heaps better now.
And now I found out 2 days ago, that I've been made redundant after 13 years of working at the same place.
So now all this shit has kinda triggered me and all those insecurities and negative thoughts that I've been trying to push to the back of my mind, has surfaced again. Had a mini breakdown yesterday afternoon and just wanted to disappear. A comet, an Atomic Bomb, anything to wipe me out in one clean hit. But I had tickets to a gig with a mate, so I wasn't gonna let him down by not going, otherwise I would've bailed. Fukk the money. And now I'm so glad I went coz we had a great night of catching up and the gig was fukken awesome. I didn't drive for once so was able to enjoy a few extra drinks.
So yeah, that's my venting done for now. Doing surprisingly well this morning. Catching up with some other close friends tonight which I'm looking forward to. I just gotta try and focus on those small moments rather than dwell on trivial shit and construe outrageous stories in my head. It's fukken toxic shit.
Anyways I hope everyone has a great and safe weekend...