Alan79
Kennel Legend
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2007
- Messages
- 13,436
- Reaction score
- 19,650
It sometimes feels like life is just us running on a hamster wheel. You think you can see what you want in the distance, but it's a never ending battle getting closer to it.This will probably be my last post here for a while?
Im not well liked by some people here so I'll save you all the hassle and not contribute anymore.
I hate myself, I feel like life doesn't make much sense a lot of the time.
Maybe 2020 will be my last year?
Who knows?
A few days ago it was really hitting me that after 20 years of routinely working my ass off to make my employers wealthy, that I'm not really any closer to having served much purpose in life as I see things. I'm not really much better off financially, still have no idea on whether I'll ever find someone to settle down with and the work I've done over the years hasn't enriched my life or anyone elses as far as I can see.
I moved house six months back and purged 2/3 of my posessions to declutter a lot of things I was holding onto for the sake of meaningless memories. It really made me sit down and think about the things that are important to me. So I drew on all of that when the wave of pre Christmas gloom hit me. I have family that I'd face gunfire for and family that would face it for me despite knowing I'd happily strangle them sometimes. I don't own much, but I have some great memories of traveling and hopefully many more to build. I only have a few good friends now that I don't see enough. But it's good to know that in my tiny social circle that dickheads don't tend to be able to infiltrate.
I've seen a lot of your posts over the last couple of years. I've got plenty of respect for you and I hope you keep posting. I'm not one to declare friendship with people online (feels fake) but you shouldn't feel like you are universally hated here, you aren't. All too often we hear more from people that dislike us than those who appreciate us. Go on a spree of blocking the people on here that make you feel hated.
Outside of that, maybe have a look at traveling somewhere to get some perspective in life. One of my few mates was feeling like it was all pointless midway through the year. I talked him into checking out Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia. It really is like a different world there. Western society creates a very materialistic sense of achievement that is ultimately unsatisfactory if you see it like a competition (which many people wind up doing). My trip over there really taught me to appreciate the little pleasures, find the time to prioritise the things that are special (family and good friends). And to realise that we are both blessed and cursed with living situations where we can coast and survive or work very hard and still not be hugely further ahead than we are by coasting.
Have had some chats on messenger with my mate and his outlook seems to have changed with some perspective. Maybe it could help you if you planned a trip like this.