"Australian Wildlife, The Shocking Truth!"

Grunthos

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Well fellow doggies my book is finally out!

"Australian Wildlife, The Shocking Truth!"
As we all know Australian beasts are carnivorous by nature and vicious by choice and whether it grows, swims, flies, crawls, slithers, hops or glides etc; it will either kill you, kill you then eat you, “violate” you, kill you then eat you or just settle for laying its eggs in your brain!
For years people from all over the world have believed that just about everything in Australia will kill you, and we Australians for our part have done little to dispel this misconception and often mischievously and gleefully encouraged it.
“Australian Wildlife, the Shocking Truth!” aims to humorously foster and encourage this concept by going into great ghoulish, humorous and fully illustrated detail about the dangerous feeding and/or breeding habits of 60 plants and animals that live on our continent.

“Australian Wildlife, the Shocking Truth!” is currently being published by Boolarong Press in Queensland and is available on-line and bookstore.
To get your copy go to,
https://www.boolarongpress.com.au/product/australian-wildlife/
Or ask at your local bookstore : )
 

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Mr Invisible

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Looks like a fun read :grinning: ... is it being stocked at Dymocks?

Does the book cover dropbears and danger noodles?
 

Grunthos

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Looks like a fun read :grinning: ... is it being stocked at Dymocks?

Does the book cover dropbears and danger noodles?
Pfft! Dropbears!
Heres the Truth about Koalas!

The nonsensical and imaginary “Drop bear” is nowhere near as deadly as the real thing!

The Koala:
As agile as a Gibbon in the trees and as fast as a Greyhound on the ground, this iconic beast is the apex predator of the Australian continent and is a true monster in every possible way!
Even though they are very cute and cuddly when they’re little, heavily sedated and with their venom glands removed, once they grow to their full 120kg+ size and start hunting for meat, well that's a whole other story!
The Koala is an active and aggressive hunter and possesses immensely strong front and hind claws not only to cling to the trunks of trees but to latch onto and hold fast to their prey. When hunting on the ground they can put on a surprising burst of speed that can have them easily bring down scrub cattle or even a horse and rider!
The front teeth of the beast consists of two broad flat, razor sharp, chisel like incisors capable of slicing off a full kilo of meat and bone with one bite!
Carnivores to the last, they have been known to attack and eat their own young. This is possibly why newborn cubs have a fast acting though comparatively weak venom that dissipates as they mature along with their taste for Eucalyptus leaves.
Though man is not its natural prey, (feral pigs and goats being their favourite delicacies) they are opportunistic and indiscriminate killers and will attack almost anything that blunders into their territory. A single Koala can claim up to 3 square kilometres of bushland as its own.
A little known fact (often ignored by most Australian historians) concerns our notorious bushranger Ned Kelly.
It seems Ned’s lesser known brother Fred Kelly was actually killed and eaten by a bull Koala and that the Kelly gang’s famous armour had little to do with thwarting Police bullets, but was in fact the first early attempt at a defence against the tooth and talon of the fearsome Koala, see the front cover!



Ask at Dymoks but its available online from Boolarong press, just follow the link :grinning:
https://www.boolarongpress.com.au/product/australian-wildlife/
 

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flamebouyant

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This is classic. Well done. How much are you selling it for?
 

wendog33

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Pfft! Dropbears!
Heres the Truth about Koalas!

The nonsensical and imaginary “Drop bear” is nowhere near as deadly as the real thing!

The Koala:
As agile as a Gibbon in the trees and as fast as a Greyhound on the ground, this iconic beast is the apex predator of the Australian continent and is a true monster in every possible way!
Even though they are very cute and cuddly when they’re little, heavily sedated and with their venom glands removed, once they grow to their full 120kg+ size and start hunting for meat, well that's a whole other story!
The Koala is an active and aggressive hunter and possesses immensely strong front and hind claws not only to cling to the trunks of trees but to latch onto and hold fast to their prey. When hunting on the ground they can put on a surprising burst of speed that can have them easily bring down scrub cattle or even a horse and rider!
The front teeth of the beast consists of two broad flat, razor sharp, chisel like incisors capable of slicing off a full kilo of meat and bone with one bite!
Carnivores to the last, they have been known to attack and eat their own young. This is possibly why newborn cubs have a fast acting though comparatively weak venom that dissipates as they mature along with their taste for Eucalyptus leaves.
Though man is not its natural prey, (feral pigs and goats being their favourite delicacies) they are opportunistic and indiscriminate killers and will attack almost anything that blunders into their territory. A single Koala can claim up to 3 square kilometres of bushland as its own.
A little known fact (often ignored by most Australian historians) concerns our notorious bushranger Ned Kelly.
It seems Ned’s lesser known brother Fred Kelly was actually killed and eaten by a bull Koala and that the Kelly gang’s famous armour had little to do with thwarting Police bullets, but was in fact the first early attempt at a defence against the tooth and talon of the fearsome Koala, see the front cover!



Ask at Dymoks but its available online from Boolarong press, just follow the link :grinning:
https://www.boolarongpress.com.au/product/australian-wildlife/
Arrgh clearly a mutatation of Ewoks? ;)
 

Mr Invisible

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HAHAHA they should include a copy with every incoming passenger card for tourists coming into Australia :D

Will have to look into this as it looks like a real good laugh.
 

wendog33

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I suppose it has to be asked? That surname? *grinning*
 

Mr Invisible

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Booktopia sell it but its on 10-15 day delay. Dymocks doesn't appear to have it on their site.
 

Grunthos

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Booktopia sell it but its on 10-15 day delay. Dymocks doesn't appear to have it on their site.
They will soon, it was only released on Wednesday
I suppose it has to be asked? That surname? *grinning*
My father's side came from somewhere in the old Austro Hungarian Empire and arrived in Australia the year they hung Ned Kelly, Mums lot came from England about the same time.
Is this relevant?
.
 
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wendog33

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They will soon, it was only released on Wednesday

My father's side came from somewhere in the old Austro Hungarian Empire and arrived in Australia the year they hung Ned Kelly, Mums lot came from England about the same time.
Is this relevant?
.
Sorry no offense meant :grinning: I saw "Greenberg" and thought you'd have a funny reply in the same style as your book.
 

Rockford

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I got a copy! To send to my Uncle in the UK, will give him a chuckle as he is always on about the wildlife here.

Best of luck with the book.
 

Grunthos

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Zoe :fearscream: from "Good Reads" said,
"This book is sexist, racist and full of appalling, often over-sexualised content!"

So get your copy from Boolarong press and be outraged today! 8-)

 
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