Dad jokes

[Wolfmother]

A blonde and a brunette were talking over coffee. The following conversation took place;
Brunette: Tsk, my husband bought me a bouquet of flowers to surprise me this morning so now I'll have to open my legs!
Blonde: Why, don't you have a vase?

I don't get these brunette jokes

 

[Mr 95%]

What's the difference between people from Dubai and people from Abu Dhabi?
People from Dubai don't watch The Flintsones.. Whereas the people from Abu Dhabi do!!!! Lol!

 

[Wolfmother]

Here's one my hubby told me that he thinks is funny
Its really bad in that its offensive to the traditional owners of the land:
An abo with a crow on his shoulder walks into a pub and the bartender goes 'where did you find him'?
And the crow goes 'at the tip'

 

[Bad Billy]

Abo jokes^^^^
Oh, I've got a few.

Truck driver doing the long haul from Melbourne to Perth. Sees three Abos ahead on the road. Thinks "Bewdy", puts his foot flat down on the accelerator, speeds down the road, hits them all.
One Abo gets knocked into a nearby paddock; one gets smashed through the truck's windscreen; the other lands 100 yards down the road, gets up and runs away. Just then a cop car pulls up. "Oh, no!!" thinks the truckie. Cop asks truckie what happened, truckie thinks he'd better "come clean", so tells him the truth.
"No worries" says the cop, "we'll charge the first Abo with trespass, the second with break and enter, and the third with leaving the scene of an accident".



On his way back the same truckie picks up a hitchhiker. After a while the hitchhiker says he's tired and lays down in the truck's "sleeper" compartment for a rest.
A while later the hitchhiker is woken up by the noise of the truck running over something: "BASH!, BASH!, BASH!".
"What's all the racket?" he asks the driver.
"Oh, I just hit an Abo".
"But what was all that other noise?".
"Well, I had to go over two fences to get the bastard".



On yet another journey, the truckie gives a lift to a priest. Later, as he's barrelling down the road, he sees an Abo ahead, he plants the foot down, and speeds towards him. At the last moment he remembers he's got the priest on board, and swerves, just missing the Abo.
"I'm terribly sorry about that, Father".
"That's OK, my son", says the preist, "I got him with the door".

 

[Wolfmother]

Abo jokes^^^^
Oh, I've got a few.

Truck driver doing the long haul from Melbourne to Perth. Sees three Abos ahead on the road. Thinks "Bewdy", puts his foot flat down on the accelerator, speeds down the road, hits them all.
One Abo gets knocked into a nearby paddock; one gets smashed through the truck's windscreen; the other lands 100 yards down the road, gets up and runs away. Just then a cop car pulls up. "Oh, no!!" thinks the truckie. Cop asks truckie what happened, truckie thinks he'd better "come clean", so tells him the truth.
"No worries" says the cop, "we'll charge the first Abo with trespass, the second with break and enter, and the third with leaving the scene of an accident".



On his way back the same truckie picks up a hitchhiker. After a while the hitchhiker says he's tired and lays down in the truck's "sleeper" compartment for a rest.
A while later the hitchhiker is woken up by the noise of the truck running over something: "BASH!, BASH!, BASH!".
"What's all the racket?" he asks the driver.
"Oh, I just hit an Abo".
"But what was all that other noise?".
"Well, I had to go over two fences to get the bastard".



On yet another journey, the truckie gives a lift to a priest. Later, as he's barrelling down the road, he sees an Abo ahead, he plants the foot down, and speeds towards him. At the last moment he remembers he's got the priest on board, and swerves, just missing the Abo.
"I'm terribly sorry about that, Father".
"That's OK, my son", says the preist, "I got him with the door".

Wow and I was worried about the crow joke haha

 

[Wahesh]

Even for you that joke was so stupid it doesn't even make the cut to be in this thread

It's so bad, that I didn't get it when I first heard it lol.

 

[Wahesh]

A blonde and a brunette were talking over coffee. The following conversation took place;
Brunette: Tsk, my husband bought me a bouquet of flowers to surprise me this morning so now I'll have to open my legs!
Blonde: Why, don't you have a vase?

LOL...

 

[Wahesh]

What's the difference between people from Dubai and people from Abu Dhabi?
People from Dubai don't watch The Flintsones.. Whereas the people from Abu Dhabi do!!!! Lol!

Ok... I don't get it lol. Please explain? @Mr 95%?

 

[Lady Emerald]

LOL...

I first heard this one in Arabic it was even funnier

 

[Mr 95%]

Ok... I don't get it lol. Please explain? @Mr 95%?

Ok.. In the Flintstones..a cartoon show about a Stone-Age family..the main character Fred..used the catchphrase 'Yabba Dabba Do!'.. So when the question asks what's the difference between Dubai people and Abu Dhabi.. well Dubai don't watch the Flintstones..but Abu Dhabi 'do'..it sounds the same as Fred's catchphrase..it's just a pun on the words..

Check this out..the opening and closing theme to the show..

 

[Wolfmother]

Ok.. In the Flintstones..a cartoon show about a Stone-Age family..the main character Fred..used the catchphrase 'Yabba Dabba Do!'.. So when the question asks what's the difference between Dubai people and Abu Dhabi.. well Dubai don't watch the Flintstones..but Abu Dhabi 'do'..it sounds the same as Fred's catchphrase..it's just a pun on the words..

Check this out..the opening and closing theme to the show..

Did you have to pretend you were talking to an alien?

 

[Wahesh]

Ok.. In the Flintstones..a cartoon show about a Stone-Age family..the main character Fred..used the catchphrase 'Yabba Dabba Do!'.. So when the question asks what's the difference between Dubai people and Abu Dhabi.. well Dubai don't watch the Flintstones..but Abu Dhabi 'do'..it sounds the same as Fred's catchphrase..it's just a pun on the words..

Check this out..the opening and closing theme to the show..

LMAO ok now I get it. I know the Flinstones, I just didn't get it until Yabba Dabba Do lol. That's a good one

 

[Wolfmother]

LMAO ok now I get it. I know the Flinstones, I just didn't get it until Yabba Dabba Do lol. That's a good one

Really??? Hey I'm not getting on the Mumma bandwagon but I see where she's coming from lol.. Just kidding around ..

 

[Hacky McAxe]

Little Johnny: Mum, why do people in our family die young?
Little Johnny: Mum? Mum??

That's pretty dark... reminds me of the mummy mummy jokes which I sure a few people have told in this thread:

"Mummy, Mummy, I'm tired of walking around in circles"

"Shut up son or I'll nail your other foot to the floor"

"Mummy, Mummy, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?"

"Shut up son or you'll wake your father"

 

[Mr 95%]

Did you have to pretend you were talking to an alien?

Lol! Never assume others know what you know..because Wolfy when people Assume..that can make an ASS out of U and ME.. Lol!

 

[Wolfmother]

Lol! Never assume others know what you know..because Wolfy when people Assume..that can make an ASS out of U and ME.. Lol!

Well you look like an ASS when you ASS U (you not) ME, I don't know this very common saying

 

[Wolfmother]

That's pretty dark... reminds me of the mummy mummy jokes which I sure a few people have told in this thread:

"Mummy, Mummy, I'm tired of walking around in circles"

"Shut up son or I'll nail your other foot to the floor"

"Mummy, Mummy, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?"

"Shut up son or you'll wake your father"

Ohh they're bad... That reminds me of this horrendously bad joke ;

Boy is having a bath with his mummy

Boy: ''Mummy why do you have a split at the front of your bum?

Mother: 'Because that's where daddy hit mummy with an axe'

Boy : ' good shot , right in the ****'

 

[Wahesh]

That's pretty dark... reminds me of the mummy mummy jokes which I sure a few people have told in this thread:

"Mummy, Mummy, I'm tired of walking around in circles"

"Shut up son or I'll nail your other foot to the floor"

"Mummy, Mummy, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?"

"Shut up son or you'll wake your father"

LMAO. The same guy who told me that Mummy joke. Round in circles LOL.

 

[Lady Emerald]

Really??? Hey I'm not getting on the Mumma bandwagon but I see where she's coming from lol.. Just kidding around ..

Need I say more?

LMAO. The same guy who told me that Mummy joke. Round in circles LOL.

 

[Mr 95%]

Well you look like an ASS when you ASS U (you not) ME, I don't know this very common saying

I guess in this guy.. lol!