Dad jokes

[CroydonDog]

So I went into Harvey Norman the other day and asked if they could sell me a new kettle. The main said: "Kenwood". I replied: "well is he working today?".

 

[Lady Emerald]

So I went into Harvey Norman the other day and asked if they could sell me a new kettle. The main said: "Kenwood". I replied: "well is he working today?".

Isn't that joke supposed to be used in the context of a subwoofer?

 

[CroydonDog]

Years ago I was ba kpacking in Europe.

One day I went to the train station in London and asked for a ticket to Paris.

"Eurostar?" the ticket seller asks.

"Well" I said "I was on the tele once but i'm no Robbie Williams".

 

[CroydonDog]

Like a lot of people at this time of year, I decided to look at joining the gym, and so I called them to particularly enquire about yoga classes.

"How flexible are you?" the lady asked.

"Well" I replied "i can't do Tuesdays or Thursdays".

 

[Hacky McAxe]

Isn't that joke supposed to be used in the context of a subwoofer?

Speaking of such

 

[Lady Emerald]

Speaking of such

That is so cute!!!

 

[Alan79]

A woman got some breast implants carved out of pine yesterday.
It would be great if this joke had a better punch line.
Wooden tit.

 

[CroydonDog]

A woman got some breast implants carved out of pine yesterday.
It would be great if this joke had a better punch line.
Wooden tit.

Are you suggesting she had a great set of knockers?

 

[Sandra's Bollocks]

Some day I'll find a woman that will sweep me off my feet.

After that, she can sweep the fucking floor.

 

[Sandra's Bollocks]

What's the definition of stress?

Laying in bed with Elton John and a gorgeous model and deciding who to turn your back on.

 

[bluedog]

Q.What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
A. Pizzas don't scream in the oven.

 

[Wolfmother]

Q.What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
A. Pizzas don't scream in the oven.

Ohh wow that's bad

 

[Wolfmother]

I heard this from a 13 year old boy ;

'I like my women like I like my wine , 12 years old and kept in the cellar'

 

[bluedog]

I heard this from a 13 year old boy ;

'I like my women like I like my wine , 12 years old and kept in the cellar'

Ohh that's bad

 

[Bob dog]

Took a girl home from the pub last night but I ended up passing out on the sofa . . . Must have drank her fucking drink by mistake

 

[Wahesh]

Little Johnny: Mum, why do people in our family die young?
Little Johnny: Mum? Mum??

 

[Bob dog]

A man walks into a pub and says to a girl 'I was going to tell you a joke about my doodle but its too long'.
Girl; I was going to tell you a joke about my vagina but you'll never get it.

 

[Lady Emerald]

Little Johnny: Mum, why do people in our family die young?
Little Johnny: Mum? Mum??

Even for you that joke was so stupid it doesn't even make the cut to be in this thread

 

[Lady Emerald]

A blonde and a brunette were talking over coffee. The following conversation took place;
Brunette: Tsk, my husband bought me a bouquet of flowers to surprise me this morning so now I'll have to open my legs!
Blonde: Why, don't you have a vase?

 

[Wolfmother]

A blonde and a brunette were talking over coffee. The following conversation took place;
Brunette: Tsk, my husband bought me a bouquet of flowers to surprise me this morning so now I'll have to open my legs!
Blonde: Why, don't you have a vase?

I don't get these brunette jokes