Dad jokes

Memberberries

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oh I forgot,to add I got nothing against gay people!
Don't mistake me for,one of those guys who used to go *poofta bashing* at the beaches back in the 80's ffs, I was just a little boy back then!
 

Wolfmother

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I am not at all being sexist I promise you that.
I seen at least 10 different fully grown men, with boobs like a woman!
Someone was saying there are tablets that have female hormones in them and guys who think*god* made a mistake with their genetic makeup will use them to fulfill their childhood dream and become a woman!
But we all know that cannot be.
As much as a guy thinks he is a woman and does whatever to alter himself, if he can't have his cycles (<<see I used a non sexist word) and then miss a cycle, then give birth!
He is just a guy with a mutilated penis and a nice set of tits as far as I'm concerned!
Not having a go but have you heard of breast enlargements ? I don't think tablets enhance breast tissue or else everyone who wanted bigger breasts would be using them ( it wouldn't be a secret for just oppressed gay guys)
 

Memberberries

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Not having a go but have you heard of breast enlargements ? I don't think tablets enhance breast tissue or else everyone who wanted bigger breasts would be using them ( it wouldn't be a secret for just oppressed gay guys)
Maybe the capital theatre isn't too far away from one of the best plastic surgeons in Australia?
Btw you called me sexist, you are right to a certain degree.
I've been a dog owner all my life and I've come to the conclusion in the K9 species, bitches are more desirable!
They are more loyal,obedient and much easier to train, more so than their human counterparts!
 

speedy2460

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A guy tells his mates that his Thai wife had just passed away.
They ask..What did she die from.
Prostate cancer.
 

Memberberries

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This is actually a good joke and it feels like one I made up.

What did the mother say to her son who was wearing a Parramatta eels jersey?
Son don't forget your crash helmet and ear muffs before you go outside.
 

Wolfmother

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What's the difference between parramatta and a toothpick?

A toothpick has 2 points
 

Stoofy

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I cant pull a rabbit from a hat but I can pull a hair from my ass! (hare)
 

Lady Emerald

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Just heard this one while for some odd reason I was watching Ellen (no that isn't the joke!)
What do you call a goat on a mountain?

A hill billy.

Its so lame I died laughing :tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy:
 

dogluva

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Feeling down so thought I would post a few jokes to lighten the mood.


My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover

the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.


Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they

tested positive for WD40.


A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .

Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...


Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.

Both in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka!


A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'

Granny replies, f@@k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen ?



Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees.

Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'

Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.

Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.

Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'

Billy says, ' Wimbledon .'



A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look

horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'

He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'


An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans

over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you

think I should do?'

He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid
 

The DoggFather

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Whats the difference between a dare devil and a 5k a night prostitute?

One does cunning stunts and the other has a.......
 

Wahesh

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Whats the difference between a dare devil and a 5k a night prostitute?

One does cunning stunts and the other has a.......
lol... it's unlike you to not continue the wording there ;)
 

Mr 95%

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I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog shit. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing. I said to him, "I just did that." So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard. :-)
 

ILiveForDib

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I have a good one lol.

If you were born in September, it's pretty obvious that your parents started their new year with a bang.
 
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Trendsetter

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I have a good one lol.

If you were born it September, it's pretty obvious that your parents started their new year with a bang.
Never gonna look at my parents on new years eve the same way again..
 

Sandra's Bollocks

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I've just left feedback for my second hand telescope I bought from eBay.

Rubbish; 2 Stars.
 
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