Been a tuff week. I couldnt get out of the car on Thursday morning. Sat there in the carpark at work for about 20 mins. Didnt want to get out, didnt want to go home, didnt want to be anywhere. I had the keys so I opened up. Workers started arriving. Went threw the usual charade of gday, hows it going yeah good thanks. Put on a smile. Some times I just want to tell people 'I feel like shit, just stay the fuck away from me'. I just tell myself internally to shut up, dont be a c*** because others shouldnt have to deal with my shit and get on with it.
I work with the sharpest bloke Ive ever met. We take the piss out of each other all day, he usually has me in stitches so that helps turn a down morning into getting shit done and enjoying the day.
I dont do well this time of year for various reasons. Last year was fine, the year before ok but this year has been hard.
Good thing is im conscious of it. That doesnt mean I prepare to be a miserable prick at xmas, just to be conscious of where Im at. I stopped taking meds years ago for anxiety and depression. I still get depressed at times but its not as bad as years gone by.
I take extra holidays now at xmas. Keep busy with my hobby. Write to do lists, work on the house. Also set aside time to do nothing but I usually end up working on my hobby anyway which is fine.
I knew Id feel better once I got threw the last working week and I do.
Had plans for the holidays to see family but that hasnt worked out. Was looking forward to a long drive, to get away but theres nothing I can do about it so soldier on.
Feeling good today. Got a few things to do. I cant sit still because then Ill just feel down again. Need a sense of accomplishment, moving forward no matter how small the task.
Not really into disclosing my life online. No one knows who I am anyways. Just thought Id share what helps me get threw the tuff times as I know others struggle this time of the year.