Thread hasn't been active for a while..
Not sure how everyone else is doing these days... for me... well.. it's complicated.
For years I had worked my arse off in IT, without any real formal training. As such everything I learned I picked up whilst on the job (self taught) over 25+ years.
In the last 4-5 years my work life balance after starting a new job got completely nuked. If I had 4 hours a week to myself (aside from sleep) it was a good week. I had one holiday in the entire time I worked there (and even then was on call and fielding calls). Eventually (with a long long story about workplace harassment/bullying/etc etc), that job finished and I was made redundant.
Luckily however there was a good redundancy payout, and income protection, but that doesn't last forever (specially when you factor in having to move houses and get reestablished), and other expenditures.
So I took a hiatus from things to work on ME, and whilst working with a Clinical Psychologist has been really good, it doesn't "fix" the current situation.
That situation? INCREDIBLY tight financial situation, trying desperately to reskill pushing myself to study hard (which I've never been good at), and focus on me. I feel though that I don't want help in this journey. It's something I have to do myself and I reckon when I do get another job, I'll be more dedicated to it, knowing that I did it all myself.
So why the post?
Well, I'm trying to block out a dire financial situation due to being unemployed. If I worry / panic too much about finances, then everything else will fall in a heap. My wifes been fantastic in all this, but I feel a bit of a failure as I was always the primary wage earner and took care of the rent. But it's unfair she is burdened with the financial aspect of things whilst I try and sort myself out (both employment/education/psychologically). Then there's family issues.
Before anyone chips in, we cannot get any government assistance (as wife earns well over $960 a fortnight, payout is $0), so even if accepted for Newstart we would get $0.
Anyway enough about that... I don't want to think about it. Here are my main 4 issues at present, with issue 4 being the trickiest.
ISSUE 1
Financial situtation, see above.
ISSUE 2
Reskilling. I'm trying to learn PROPERLY things from the past, things for the present, and things for the future, but the IT field is so incredibly broad (and job requirements always so specific). That I feel I need to cover everything to have a good chance of nailing a job confidently.
ISSUE 3
Work / Life balance will be far more important in my next job. I NEED to give myself time, else I'll self destruct again. However I can't get a part time job as that'll take away study time. I HAVE to get a full time job. I can't take a lower level position, as in order to live (and save/rebuild our accounts) realistically I need to be on over $60-$65k a year. That means I need to re-educate and aim high. I'm sure I can do it (I have to), but that doesn't mean there isn't a stack of motivation, self doubt, and self concern issues.
ISSUE 4
Compounding all this, is that my Grandfather (and my sole remaining grandparent), is dieing. There's no easy way to say it, but that's the reality of it. After a 3 odd year long battle with cancer on his own (after Nan died suddenly almost 3 years ago from a massive stroke), they believe he is entering end stage congenital heart failure, and at almost 90, there's nothing they can do.
I'm trying to block out negative influences and things to concentrate on me, but I cannot put this aside.
Money doesn't worry me, health and family are everything. Sure I don't have kids, but I work hard to provide (when employed), and enjoy both my close family, and my personal family (wife and dog).
So knowing I'm about to lose someone so close, and someone who (literally) changed me life for the better years ago, it's gonna be tough.
Just needed to vent..